Why vacationing with my adult son is now my favorite way to travel

It’s hard to believe it has been 30 years since my son was born. My husband and I had spent a year living in Melbourne, Australia, and Alec was only five weeks old when we returned home. He was born a month early, weighing only five pounds. As we boarded the plane for the long journey back to NYC, I’ll never forget the flight attendant’s look of disbelief when I told her this tiny creature in my arms was five weeks old. “You mean five days old?” she asked.

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That peanut is now over six feet tall and has been traveling his entire life. It’s not an understatement to say that travel is a defining feature of our family. In serendipitous fashion, my husband and I met at JFK Airport as students when we were both bumped off a flight bound for Los Angeles. His career as a filmmaker has facilitated far-flung adventures, including living in Rome, Los Angeles, and Tuscany. As I transitioned from a career in early childhood education to travel journalism, my wanderlust only accelerated.

A family tradition that’s going strong

Alec now lives in California. I love it when he comes home, but it’s complicated. I fall into my role as a slightly bossy mom, and he regresses just a tad as he sleeps in his childhood bedroom, where I’ve kept a shrine of stuffed animals and class pictures. But when we’re traveling, we’re both strangers in a strange land and the footing feels more equal.

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It has been a decade since we started taking mother-adult-son vacations together. Over the years, we’ve chased waterfalls in Jamaica, gone swimming in the bioluminescent bay in Puerto Rico, and taken a guided group tour of the Canadian Rockies. We’ve even cruised the Caribbean together on a giant ship, but neither of us had ever been on an expedition cruise before. So when I proposed a mother-son expedition cruise to Mexico’s Baja California peninsula, he jumped at the chance of a totally new adventure.

An expedition cruise primer

Just what is an expedition cruise? It’s a small ship, usually with only around 100 passengers, that presents a deep dive into remote destinations that would be tough, if not impossible, to reach on a larger cruise ship.

There are no go-carts, no tango lessons, and no kids’ club. An expedition ship offers low-key luxury, but the emphasis is on authentic experiences off the ship. Alec thrives on an energetic pace, and I’m up for adventure, so we agreed that this type of cruise seemed like a fit for us.

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Whale-watching in Baja

We both love any activity that invovles water. We booked the Lindblad Expeditions sailing Baja California: Among the Great Whales as it offered plenty of aquatic action including lots of whale watching, snorkeling, and kayaking. Our ship, the National Geographic Venture, would take us around Mexico’s Baja Peninsula, from the Sea of Cortez to the Pacific Ocean.

This itinerary is a magnet for whale watchers, and I had heard that February was the best time to spot the gray whales, who travel from their Arctic feeding grounds to breed and raise their calves in Baja’s warm, sheltered waters.

The art of the compromise: Balancing togetherness and independence

Alec and I shared a cabin, as expedition cruising is expensive. Although it was spacious by cruise ship standards, privacy was at a minimum. I’m an early riser and Alec is a night owl. To make it work, we both spent time in the ship’s lounge when the other was asleep. We also each headed to the lounge for at least an hour each day to give the other some solitary time in our stateroom.

The itinerary gave plenty of room for the right measure of togetherness and individual time. One day, Zodiacs ferried all passengers to Puerto Gato, a remote peninsula in the Sea of Cortez. Once we arrived, we each did our own thing; I kayaked while Alec paddled around the bay on a stand-up paddle board. After our solo adventures, we came back together on a hike and marveled at the striking landscape of red volcanic ash and giant fossilized sand dunes.

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Another day, we spent an afternoon in La Paz. Passengers were transported via motor coach. I took the earliest coach so I could explore this pretty seaside town, while Alec chose a later option so he could have time to exercise at the ship’s fitness center. We met up in La Paz and enjoyed a folkloric dance performance and dinner at a local restaurant.

How we make it work

I spent years lugging strollers around the world and trying to manage jet lag in people too young to read the numbers on a clock. Traveling with an adult child is not without obstacles, but they tend to spring from autonomy rather than dependence. As you plan your trip, keeping a few things in mind should make for smoother sailing.

• Choose your destination wisely: For instance, Alec enjoys nightlife but he wouldn’t want to go to a party town like Ibiza with his mother.

• Who pays for what should be clear: I pay for our trips, but I appreciate it when Alec offers me a coffee at the airport or other things that are within his budget.

• Plan the trip together: Key decisions should be made in tandem despite who foots the bill.

• Boundaries are important: Avoid simmering resentments by clearly but kindly voicing the things that are important. For instance, being on time is a big deal for me and I’ve let Alec know that lateness is a no-no.

• Remember the big picture: Travel can be stressful. We don’t let small challenges and bickering get in the way of the good stuff.

What made it the best trip ever?

I cherish every vacation I’ve taken with Alec, but sharing adventures on our expedition cruise was particularly special. Swimming with sea lions, snorkeling surrounded by thousands of jackfish, and getting so close to gray whales we could have touched them were all bucket-list experiences we got to share. But the simple shipboard pleasures—watching the sunset, stargazing, and listening to Alec’s favorite music while we relaxed on deck chairs—are equally imprinted in my heart.

The last time we talked on the phone, Alec told me he’d never forget the thrill of jumping into the blue waters of the Sea of Cortez. He said he misses life aboard the Venture, chatting with fellow passengers and meeting interesting people at dinner each evening. We both embraced the big and small on our expedition cruise, so I guess the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. I’m counting the days until our next vacation together.

Why vacationing with my adult son is now my favorite way to travel originally appeared on FamilyVacationist.com.

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The views and opinions expressed in this column are the author’s and do not necessarily reflect those of USA TODAY. FamilyVacationist.com and TourScoop.com are owned and operated by Vacationist Media LLC. Using the FamilyVacationist travel recommendation methodology, we review and select family vacation ideas, family vacation spots, all-inclusive family resorts, and classic family vacations for all ages. TourScoop covers guided group tours and tour operators, tour operator reviews, tour itinerary reviews and travel gear recommendations.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Traveling with adult children: How to make it work