1.
The person whose pizza has SEEN some things… terrible, terrible things:
2.
The person whose truck lost its battle with the beach:
3.
The person whose mom likes her iPads super toasty:
4.
The person who just put up the saddest sale of all time:
5.
The person who has their couch riiiiight where they want it:
6.
The person whose TV was no match for their Winter Candy Apple–scented candle:
7.
The person who gambled and lost:
8.
The person who had the worst kind of surprise:
9.
The person whose strand of hair is now ready to enter the afterlife:
10.
The person whose sandwich is, quite simply, an affront to God:
11.
The person who got a beautiful dress for a rotisserie chicken:
12.
The person who must often get mistaken for a rabbit:
13.
The person who, I hope, learned a very important milkshake lesson:
14.
The person whose sandwich is, quite simply, an affront to all that’s holy:
15.
The person who straight-up went William Tell mode on their cellphone:
16.
The person who will handle cumin like radioactive material from now on:
17.
The person who was voted “Most Likely to Have to Get a Ring Surgically Removed”:
18.
The person whose large is more like…a smarge:
19.
The person who is about to make the greatest teaspoon of soup you’ll ever see:
20.
The person who’d better savor every last bite of that there meatball:
21.
The person whose burrito might just be the saddest burrito my eyes have ever seen:
22.
The person who was kind enough to share “Today’s Top Hits” with Pennywise:
23.
The person whose iced tea is an absolute farce:
24.
The person whose cat will be forever immortalized in their kitchen:
25.
The person whose phone was destroyed to an almost comical degree:
26.
The person who got the greatest gift of all while online shopping:
27.
The person whose upgraded lake view includes a view of some of nature’s most beautiful metal objects:
28.
The person whose expensive haircut came out just a bit uneven:
29.
The person who experienced true nugget tragedy:
30.
The person whose cobbler shall cobble no more:
31.
The person whose pizza laughs in the face of extra bacon:
32.
The person whose rear end we must offer our prayers to:
33.
The person who got this sandwich for ANTS:
34.
The person who asked for extra fries and got extra lies:
35.
The person who bought this monitor for even more ANTS:
36.
The person whose retainer shall retain no more:
37.
The person who might not be able to buff that out of their ring:
38.
The person who learned a valuable lesson about online shopping:
39.
The person whose iPhone got a new, HEAVY-DUTY paint job:
40.
The person with the saddest sandwich I’ve ever seen:
