“Stealth shopping” — why people hide purchases from partners

Have you ever spontaneously bought something, felt guilty, and then hid the item from your spouse? Chances are, you’re not alone.

According to one survey, two thirds of people living with a significant other have hidden purchases from them within the last year. This trend of “stealth shopping” has become more rampant with the rise of online shopping. Spouses are now finding it easier to spontaneously make a purchase, and then employ creative tactics to hide it from their husband or wife.

Marketplace host Kristin Schwab spoke on this trend with Suzanne Kapner, reporter at the Wall Street Journal.

Below is an edited transcript of their conversation.

Suzanne Kapner: Thanks so much for having me.

Kristin Schwab: So, I think we all understand maybe the concept of, you know, bringing something in the bottom of a bag, a shirt, a pair of shoes into the house, sneaking them in, but the people you talk to go through pretty great lengths to sneak their purchases in. What are some of the methods that stuck out to you?

Kapner: Well, one woman will enter the house through the back door after a shopping spree and quickly shove her packages in the coat closet or behind an armoire or in the laundry basket, and she leaves them there until her husband and three sons go to sleep, and later that night, she quietly puts everything away undetected. That stood out to me. There was another woman who was hiding her Christian Louboutin shoes in her son’s Toy Box. But unfortunately, she was outed when her son started walking around the house in these pumps with, you know, the red sole that Christian Louboutin has. And her husband was like, “where did those come from?” So, they seem to be going to great lengths to hide their purchases.

Schwab: Yeah, and there were, you talked to some men who did this too?

Kapner: Yes, there was a very senior executive at a cable company who would have everything was custom, custom shirts, custom suits. He spent a fortune on his wardrobe, and he would have all his clothes sent directly to his office so they didn’t arrive home, so his wife didn’t see them. When he finally wore something home, his wife would say, “Is that new?” And he could tell her honestly, no, no, I’ve had it for a couple of months, and one of his colleagues, he bought 12 custom-made shirts at one time, and he was feeling a little bit guilty about spending so much money, so he sent them straight to the dry cleaner. And when he brought them home, you know, they were wrapped in sort of the cellophane on hangers, as if they were old shirts. And so, his wife, you know, was never the wiser.

Schwab: That’s a lot of work to hide your purchase.

Kapner: Well, these, these people take shopping very seriously.

Schwab: You know, people talked about having a little bit of embarrassment with their shopping in your story. Why do you think it’s become more common for people to keep it a secret?

Kapner: Well, I think I talked to a psychologist and asked her that question, and she believes, you know, it’s one, the rise of online shopping, where it’s gotten just much easier to order things to our homes. I think we’re all we’ve all been in that position where boxes and boxes are showing up on the front stoop, and it, it can be a little bit embarrassing. So that’s one part of it. And then we, you know, with the rise of influencer culture, we’re all subject to social media and seeing people kind of hawking things. And, you know, we want that. It looks great. We you know, it’s temptation is everywhere. So, it’s just become very easy to have a lot of stuff.

Schwab: You know, all fun aside, there are some real impacts here for people’s finances and their relationships. What was some of what you learned there?

Kapner: Well, sure, you know, even a white lie is not great for a relationship, because your spouse may say, “Well, if you’re lying to me about your shoe purchases, what else are you lying about?” So, it fosters mistrust in the relationship.

Schwab: So, from speaking from experience. I know sometimes, as a journalist, our stories come from are inspired by our own lives. So, I guess I’m wondering, was this story at all inspired by any purchases you might have hid from someone?

Kapner: I have learned that I need to have those boxes, whether it’s from Amazon or somewhere else, put away by the time my husband comes home, I cannot have him walk in the door two piles of boxes everywhere, because, you know, it stresses him out, and it’s not a good situation. So that’s my personal experience. This is a subject I didn’t realize, like, how widely people do this, because in talking to people, everybody has a story. And everybody will, you know, when one woman was saying how she put on a pair of new shoes before she walked into her home so her husband, you know, wouldn’t see her coming in with yet another pair of shoes. And everybody seems to have their own story of how this touches their lives.

Schwab: Suzanne Kapner writes about retail for The Wall Street Journal Suzanne, thanks so much for talking.

Kapner: Thanks so much for having me.