‘World’s Worst Cars’ Book Redemption: Proton Wira – The Autopian

I’m not going to lie, I find doing regular-series posts hard. I have no idea why; there’s something childish inside me that seems to feel once there’s something I’m “supposed” to do, part of me wants to rebel. You know, like an idiot kid. What’s wrong with me? Anyway, I’ve pushed past it, I’ve keyed in the random-number-generating program into the Commodore PET, find what page that number corresponds to in the 2005 book The World’s Worst Cars, written by Craig Cheetham, and then defend and redeem the car shown on that page, because I maintain that Mr.Cheetham has created a book not of The World’s Worst Cars, as the title claims, but rather of some of the World’s More Interesting Cars.

Oh, I should also mention that tomorrow I leave for Pebble Beach, where David and Beau and I will be doing all manner of fun car things and getting those fun car things on video and in stories, so I say this series will take a little hiatus until I get back. Okay? It’ll be fine, I promise, and there’s at least a 62% chance I’ll pick it right back up when I return!

Okay, let’s see what page the PET wants us to look at today, as it electronically does augury or whatever:

Page 243! Let’s see what that is in the book! And, remember, to avoid inadvertently and illegally re-publishing this book in random order, I’m no longer showing the full page spread:

The Proton Wira! So, I figured this day would come, when I would end up having to defend a car I really didn’t know much about, had no experience with, and didn’t really have much of an opinion about. The Wira is definitely that; it’s a Malaysian version of a Mitsubishi Lancer, fundamentally, with some styling and detail changes. It’s not a particularly interesting car, and my main complaint about this book has been that it’s really not a collection of The World’s Worst Cars, as the title claims, but rather seems to be a collection of Some Very Interesting Cars, though in this case I really can’t say that about the Proton Wira like I could about an Amphicar or the Maserati Biturbo or NSU Ro80 or Oldsmobile Toronado.

So, I went into this thinking my job may prove much harder than normal, but as I read what our boy Craig Cheetham wrote about the car and why he decided to include it in a compendium of The World’s Worst Cars, I realized that, no, this is not hard to defend. Once again, Craig is wrong.

Here’s what Craig says about the Wira:

“Built in Malaysia, the Wira was exported to the UK South Africa and Australia, where did achieved moderate success as an attractively priced and spacious saloon. Reliability was good and most are still going strong, so why is it in this book?

Quite simply it’s one of the most soulless, bland and dynamically tedious cars ever made….it turns the automobile into a consumer durable, and has about as much character as a washing machine.”

Okay, it’s boring. I get it. He also says reliability was good, it was attractively priced, spacious, and achieved “moderate success.” They sold almost a million of these things, so “moderate” I think is a bit modest, even. Based on all these criteria, why isn’t the Toyota Corolla in here? Or a Chevy Cavalier or a Honda Accord or a Nissan Sentra or any number of other good yet boring cars? Is it because it’s from Malaysia instead of Japan? Because that would explain why the Proton Wira is in this book of worst cars instead of the Mitsubishi Lancer upon which it was based, because it’s essentially the same car!

(I love how shitty the capture for this Wira commercial is; I didn’t know you could get YouTube via rabbit ears)

It doesn’t deserve to be in this book. It’s not “worst” of anything. Sure, it’s boring, and I consider being boring to be one of the worst crimes a car can commit, but if the car does the job it’s supposed to do, it’s just not the “worst.” I guarantee you there are plenty of Wira owners and former owners that have deeply fond feelings towards these cars, just like how you probably know someone with a boring-ass Camry that loves it and has given it a name and everything. It gets them where they need to go with minimal fuss and enough convenience and comfort, and that’s what it’s supposed to do, dammit.

Also, if being boring is criteria for being a “worst car,” then Craig needs to grant pardons to most of the non-boring cars in this book! A rational if dull everyday commuter car is worst, and so is a car that can go in the water like a boat? Craig needs to make up his damn mind, already.

Plus, how many carmakers went this wild making a commercial showing a mid-cycle refresh:

This is the first defense of a Worst Car entry that hasn’t focused so much about the traits or design or features of a particular car, but rather on more general ideas, like a car being entirely adequate, and, as a result, not worthy of being pilloried in a book like this. The Wira never did anything to you, Craig! Hell, other than taking a bunch of people where they needed to go, what has the Wira done to anybody? Putting this in a Worst Cars in the World book is like putting the spoon in a Worst Eating Utensils in the World book because, what, it’s boring? It gets food from the plate to your mouth too predictably? There’s no drama or excitement or panaché?

Plus, I think to some degree, the Wira leaned into its mundanity enough that it almost became a personality of its own. Take this ad for a Special Edition Wira:

Eight percent more horsepower! I love how clinically specific that is as a way to crow about your fast car – by a single-digit percentage compared, I guess, to the base model? Are people thinking holy shit, that’s 80% of 10% more power!? These had a 1.8-liter engine making a very respectable 138 hp, and – I think the ad buries the lede here – it had Lotus-tuned suspension! That’s not so boring!

Fine. The Proton Wira was a Meh Car, sure. But it also wasn’t a Worst Car. Craig, why are you like this? What happened to you?

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