Back-To-School Shopping By The Numbers

Across the country, millions of K-12 students and their families are loading up their shopping carts as they prepare for the start of another school year. The Onion takes a look at the statistics behind back-to-school shopping.

64: Minimum number of different colored crayons required for child not to be considered poor

46%: Portion of Elmer’s glue bottle applied directly to hands

3: Scissors? Per kid? Are you fucking kidding me?

2: The only type of pencil with which it is possible to learn

3: Seemingly innocuous T-shirts that will lead to a decade of bullying

12,000: Mom-and-pop backpackeries closed in the last five years

50: Milligram Vyvanse prescription just to pull a C+ average

18: Important handouts already lost

$220: Average cost of a medical bill for removal of eraser child stuck up own nose

1: Pair of perfectly good Crocs you already have at at home, young man