West End Paradise — Part 3 — Coaches, campground leaders, and cousins

Joe Gentry

When my parents would drop me off at baseball and basketball practice, or junior golf, I was entrusted to the care of people like Al Somers, Wes Dorr, Leon Hinkley, Jerry Brilinski, Rev. Luebke, Ken Senchuk, Don Damoth, Bob Krueger, Erv Freider and Dorothy and Tony Janis.

Yes, dropped off. Mom or Dad never hung around to make sure their son was coached properly or that I behaved appropriately. They trusted that the coaches would do their best and hold me accountable. Summer camp was no different. I climbed aboard the bus to head out to Long Lake in Hillman and I was under the care of Ma and Pa Wixom or, in the case of church camp, I was under the guidance of a seminarian student. Mom and Dad willingly sacrificed their parental authority and trusted those in charge.

Every summer and occasional fall, my cousins and I were treated to weeklong vacations at Tawas Lake with my Aunt Margaret and Uncle Harold. We learned to troll for pike with bamboo poles, duck hunt from sneak boats, swim at the Ole Swede’s Hole, clean and eat whatever we caught or hunted. We learned the usefulness of keeping ones equipment — reels, poles, boats, motors and guns — in tip-top shape. We enjoyed building a “Wabash” in the fireplace and sitting at the edge of the lake at night to listen to hear the Indians still paddling across the water. All these lessons and experiences were shared with cousins and my aunt and uncle. Lessons I’ve carried with me throughout my life. Thankfully my parents trusted my aunt and uncle to do the right things, which were all good things.

Jonathan Haidt from his book “The Anxious Generation,” states, “In the 1980s, and especially the 1990s, parents in Anglo countries became more fearful for many reasons, including changes in the media ecosystem and news cycle. They lost trust in each other, they started spending far more time supervising their own children, and they did more parenting in defend mode, seeing risks and threats everywhere. The worship of ‘safety’ above all else is called safetyism. It is dangerous because it makes it harder for children to learn to care for themselves and to deal with risk, conflict and frustration.”

This can be illustrated by how many parents attend the Jets football training and practices. Thunder Bay Junior High lot is full. The same is true for gymnastics practices, soccer practices, hockey practices and many other youth activities that really do not require regular parent’s attendance. I know that some parents are trying to reduce mileage expense and some look at attending practices as bonding opportunities. I’m not sure of all motivations, but I am sure if my parents would have practiced safetyism and I was not allowed to take any risks, I would have been blocked from overcoming anxiety, and I would not have learned how to manage risk or to be self-governing, all of which were essential for becoming a healthy, competent adult.

Experiencing adult leadership from someone other than my parents — on my own — shaped my character and personality and allowed me to grow and develop into a constructive adult. Thankfully, I was influenced by some exceptional parents, coaches, campground leaders, and relatives.

Joe Gentry is the executive director of the United Way of Northeast Michigan. Reach him at 989-354-2221 or jgentry@unitedwaynemi.org.