Nintendo Reveals New Hardware, And It Is Pointless And Overpriced

Nintendo has been teasing a successor to the Nintendo Switch for eons now, talking more about that they’re not talking about it, rather than bothering to confirm anything about its existence. Now, they have indeed announced new hardware, but it is not Nintendo Switch 2, nor anything remotely close to that.

Enter, Alarmo.

Alarmo? Yes, Alarmo, which is pretty-self descriptive, as it turns out. It’s a new…alarm clock from Nintendo available today on My Nintendo Store through early access if you’re a paid Switch Online member. So what on earth does a Nintendo alarm clock that costs $100(!) do, exactly? Well, here’s a surprisingly lengthy trailer:

And the official description:

“Introducing Nintendo Sound Clock: Alarmo, an interactive alarm clock that’s out of the ordinary! Alarmo responds to your body’s movement with game sounds, so you can feel like you’re waking up in the game world itself. Set an alarm inspired by five Nintendo games, with more alarms on the way as free updates as they become available.”

Examples shown:

• An alarm being music from Super Mario Odyssey
• The alarm tracks your movements, like making coin noises when you roll around in bed.
• An alarm being music from Splatoon, and when you move it plays ink splat sounds.
• An alarm being music from Breath of the Wild, and when you move it plays…rupee noises, I think.
• Once you get out of bed, it plays a “fanfare” and the alarm ends.
• The alarm will get more intense with music the longer it takes you to get up, Bowser boss music shown.
• The five games that have alarms attached are Super Mario Odyssey, Breath of the Wild, Splatoon 3, Pikmin 4 and RingFit Adventure. It will get more alarms in future updates.
• Will play sleepy sounds to wind you down before bed.
• It will log your sleep and movement while in bed.
• And hourly chime that signals the top of the hour.

I cannot quite express how dumb this is to me. Just the overall concept of Nintendo making an alarm clock is silly enough, but okay fine, they do silly things. But the “movement plays coin or rupee noises” thing is just absurdly pointless, as is the escalating music and shutting off when you get up. Like, what’s the first thing people do when an alarm goes off? They either hit snooze or they hit off and wake up. You’re not going to sit there rolling around as coins clang for an indefinite period of time, nor leave it running until you fully get out of bed. No one uses alarms like this.

I mean sure, it’s harmless, Nintendo continues to do wacky Nintendo things as ever, and it’s not like this is halting Switch 2 development, but even taking it for what it is, this seems like a deeply pointless product that runs counter to how people use actual alarm clocks, if they even bother using them at all in the age of phones. And guess what, your phone can still play Breath of the Wild or Mario music when you wake up.

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