We thought Massachusetts was the perfect place to build a life. Boston let us down, but we found peace elsewhere in the state.

• My long-distance partner and I moved to Massachusetts thinking it was a great place to merge lives.
• We advanced our careers in Boston but found it to be too expensive and not a great fit for us.
• After two years, we found respite in a quiet suburb an hour west of Boston in Sudbury.

My partner and I began our long-distance relationship on opposite coasts — I in Lake Tahoe and she in New York — but we wanted to merge our lives somewhere new after a few years together.

We spent months researching where we’d like to move and build an ideal future. Eventually, we set our sights on Massachusetts.

For years, places like US News & World Report have named it the best state to live in because of its consistently high ratings in common quality-of-life metrics, like affordability and residents’ overall happiness.

We were even more convinced once we saw videos of New England’s brilliant foliage in the fall — I pictured our lives there as part “Gilmore Girls” and part Hallmark movie with a dash of rain-soaked cobblestone.

We headed to Massachusetts’ capital, Boston, in the summer of 2019 once I’d secured a job and signed up for classes at Harvard.

The city wasn’t what we expected, and we struggled to get used to it

The city certainly had beauty, but I soon realized just how divergent our experiences were against our expectations.

Massachusetts has high rent costs in certain areas, and Boston’s generally high cost of living meant we weren’t able to build our savings while living there.

Our paychecks mostly went to our $3,000-per-month Boston apartment that had been sold to us as a “luxurious living space for young professionals” but was actually small and outdated.

Each day, I headed to work on an agonizing commute, navigating potholes and aggressive drivers through a city with some of the worst traffic in the world. Then, I’d pay to park my car in a garage that cost about a quarter of our rent each month.

Although Boston offers many public transportation options, my partner (a born-and-raised New Yorker) found them unreliable at times. Between the round-the-clock traffic and limited green spaces in the city, fresh air sometimes felt nonexistent.

We struggled socially, too. My family says I’m so outgoing that I befriend every barista and grocery cashier I meet, so I was shocked when I experienced an inability to connect with the people I met in Boston. Coming from out of state, we often felt like we were viewed as outsiders.

Even our cats, confined to a too-small apartment with views of a similarly run-down building beside us, seemed to feel it: Boston wasn’t for us.

After 2 years, we headed to the suburbs to heal

While in Boston, my partner advanced her career in veterinary medicine and I got a decent education. But by 2021, we knew we had to leave — the two years since our August 2019 move to Boston felt like a decade each.

The city had exhausted us, and we resented it, but we hadn’t lost hope in the state just yet. So, we sought out a slower pace of living about an hour west in the lesser-known Massachusetts suburb of Sudbury.

Once we moved, our rent cost $550 less a month — our apartment was spacious and nicer, with updated appliances and in-unit laundry. We also had scenic views since our windows overlooked a dog park and a forest.

The air in Sudbury felt fresher as we were surrounded by more green spaces. Although our community was smaller than it was in Boston, the people we met felt kinder, more closely knit, and more welcoming.

We stayed there for over two years until we moved to a Las Vegas suburb in December 2023 to be closer to family in need, but we’re still grateful for our time in Sudbury.

Despite the downsides we experienced, we have a lot to thank Boston for, too. We grew into adulthood and advanced our careers there — and the city taught us we really need space and serenity in order to flourish.