Connect with us

Tech

She went viral for going on the ‘shortest first date ever.’ Now the internet is up in arms.

Published

6 hours ago

on

She went viral for going on the ‘shortest first date ever.’ Now the internet is up in arms.

Maggie Smith, 32, walked back to her car in stunned silence.

The Alabaman had gotten dressed up, applied make-up and made her way to a restaurant for dinner with someone she met on a dating app. They’d been texting for weeks and had spoken on the phone, but this was their first official date. She had been looking forward to it.

That date, however, lasted less than two minutes.

“I’m just not feeling it,” Smith recalls him telling her, moments after they met outside the restaurant.

Smith felt crushed − and shared her experience on TikTok, where her video has garnered 11.6 million views and inspired strong reactions. Many commenters have been supportive of Smith. Others have been cruel. Some have discussed if it’s ever OK to end a date early and, if so, under what circumstances.

Overall, dating and relationship experts say Smith’s short date and the waves its made online speak to frustrations many feel with how superficial modern dating has become.

“So many of us have experienced rejection, judgment or being mislabeled on a date − and it sucks,” says Amy Chan, a dating coach and author of “Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart.” “There’s something deeply painful about being judged superficially and not even given a chance as a human being. … She’s not alone in her experience − unfortunately, it’s one of the tough realities of dating.”

More: People are paying thousands for ‘dating boot camp’ with sex experts. I signed up.

Dating apps have changed how we treat each other. It’s a problem.

Smith says she was upfront about what she looks like to her date long before they met in person. She had multiple full-body pictures on her dating app profile and told her date on their call that she was plus-sized. He said he was OK with that.

So, when he rejected her on sight, and in front of a group of people waiting outside, she felt humiliated.

“I literally went blank,” Smith says. “I almost walked past my car. I didn’t even recognize it. I was just really in a daze. … It’s not that I was heartbroken. I was just really embarrassed that I walked up to this restaurant and this happened.”

Smith drove home in silence. When she arrived, she recorded a video talking about the date to send to a friend. She decided to also post it on TikTok − and awoke the next morning shocked to find it had gotten tons of attention overnight.

Amid the varying reactions, Smith’s video has sparked debate over dating etiquette. Some argue the man did the right thing by rejecting her early in the date, so as not to waste more of her time. Others say it was rude regardless.

Smith understands both sides but thinks that, no matter what, what he did and how he went about it were hurtful.

“It’s complicated,” she says. “Everyone also says, ‘Well, at least he didn’t waste your time. Would you have rather him sit through the meal and then tell you after?’ I would have. … It hurts much more that someone wouldn’t even take the time to get to know me.”

More: Relationship experts say these common dating ‘rules’ are actually ruining your love life

According to dating and relationship experts, the harsh attitude Smith’s date had is common in the era of online dating. Thanks to the prevalence of dating apps, people have become accustomed to rejecting people immediately − usually off snap judgements based on little information.

That mindset has carried over into the real world too.

“Unfortunately, this is one of the consequences of online dating. It has turned the process of finding a romantic partner into something that feels more like shopping,” Chan says. “People select and discard potential matches based on superficial traits, and with so many options available, it becomes easy to dehumanize others, reducing them to mere objects rather than seeing them as unique human beings.”

When you’re on the receiving end of such brutal rejection, it can have serious consequences.

“It can be very triggering, and it can be shocking to have someone treat you like that,” explains Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of “Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse.” She adds: “Unfortunately, this is the side of online dating that we really need to look at, which is that it encourages split-second decision making, which isn’t always fair.”

Is this the era of narcissism? Watch out for these red flags while dating.

Dating can suck. That doesn’t mean you should give up.

Since her “shortest first date ever” went viral, Smith says she’s deleted the dating apps. She’s still looking for love but wants to focus on meeting people in-person, so that her sense of humor and personality can shine.

She also hopes her experience will serve as a reminder to people to treat those you date with dignity.

“Preferences aren’t the enemy,” Smith says. “They never have been. Everyone has preferences. There’s just a way to treat people if they’re not your preference. Don’t match with them and then ask them on a date and then do this to them.”

Have you heard of ‘relation-shopping’? It might be why you’re still single.

While it’s OK to walk out if your date makes you feel unsafe, Chan says that, if the only issue is lack of attraction, you shouldn’t bail early. At the very least, give them the time you agreed to − even if it’s just the length of a dinner or quick coffee meetup.

“I think we’ve gone too far with the mindset of ‘no one is entitled to my time’ and our inflated sense of how busy and important we are to the point where we’ve lost basic human decency,” Chan says. “There’s a real person in front of you, and you shouldn’t treat them like a disposable object just because you’re not immediately attracted to them.”

For Smith and others who’ve been through similar bad dates, Chan says that, while it’s normal to feel hurt, don’t get discouraged.

“It only takes one,” Chan says. “Just because it didn’t work with one person doesn’t mean you should stop creating opportunities for love in the future. You have to keep getting back up, and dating does require building the muscle of resilience.”

Related Topics:
Continue Reading