How to Give Up Wanting to Take Total Control in Business 

As business owners, it’s arguably natural to want to control every element of our organizations. Control, after all, is part of human nature — as one study noted, “evidence from animal research, clinical studies, and neuroimaging work suggest that the need for control is a biological imperative for survival.” 

Having some level of control over your business is necessary. You can’t just completely step aside and have zero involvement in how it operates. I’ve learned the hard way that relinquishing too much control backfires and sets you up for failure. Give up too much control, and responsibility might fall on the shoulders of people who shouldn’t have it. But the opposite side of the spectrum — trying to take total control of every element of your business all the time — is, in my view, just as bad. When you constantly attempt to control every detail of your business, your employees are less likely to have the space they need to do their jobs well. In turn, your business could suffer. A balance between taking control and relinquishing control is key.

As a disclaimer, I’m not a mental health professional. I’m approaching this subject with my observations and experiences. In trying to unlearn not taking enough control, I’ve had to navigate not ending up on the other side of the spectrum. For me, striking that middle ground is a work in progress. Something that has helped me stay on track is a key lesson from the 12-step community that I come from, which is that we don’t have control over everything, but we do have control over how we behave. 

If you’re a business owner who is too far on the spectrum of taking control, you can take several steps to change course and find a middle ground. The goal shouldn’t be to run a chaotic business. I don’t believe that chaos is the opposite of control. Rather, I believe that not needing control is the opposite of control, and that should be the goal. 

1. Evaluate Your Tendencies 

In my view, the first step toward stepping away from a desire to always be in total control is evaluating your tendencies. In my experience, a “checklist” of how control typically manifests in business is the need to always be right, implement only your ideas, impose your way of doing things on others and have emotional responses to situations. 

By contrast, I’ve found that people who don’t need total control operate differently in the business world. They don’t have big egos. They’re good listeners who value peoples’ opinions and understand that their way of doing something isn’t necessarily the right way of doing something. They value input from others and aren’t threatened by differing opinions. 

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You can evaluate your tendencies by self-reflecting, speaking with trusted friends and family members, confiding in a mentor or talking things through with a therapist. 

2. Get to the Bottom of Your Need for Control 

Once you’ve evaluated your tendencies, I believe you should get to the bottom of your need for control. According to PsychCentral, the “desire for control may be rooted in a fear of uncertainty.” Moreover, therapist Noelle McWard wrote in Psychology Today: “Control, or rather, seeking to have control, is a form of anxiety. It is rooted in the default, and often unconscious belief or feeling that ‘I am not going to be okay’ or ‘Things will not be okay.’”

Look within yourself to uncover what could be behind your need for control. As with the previous step, you could also speak with trusted friends and family members, sit down with a mentor or discuss things with a therapist. You might realize that you might want to be in control because you’re worried about your reputation or you’re afraid of failure. Whatever the reason is, it’s valuable to understand it and recognize that it’s OK to feel the way you do but that trying to gain more control isn’t necessarily the answer. 

3. Begin to Deprioritize Taking Control — and Recognize That Change Takes Time

The final step is to deprioritize taking control. Doing so is easier said than done, but I believe small steps can make a big difference. For example, if you typically find yourself shutting down ideas your employees bring to the table, you could make a mental note not to immediately respond to ideas when you hear them and just listen instead. Or if you realize that you tend to want your team members to approach specific tasks with your way of doing so, you could decide to take a step back (starting with one task) and see the results of your employees tackling things their way. 

As you try to make changes, consider seeking outside help, such as from a mentor or therapist, to guide you through the process. Additionally, remember that change takes time. It’s impossible to go from wanting to be in total control all the time to finding a balance between too much and too little control overnight. But little by little, you can make changes that will, in my view, make you and your team happier and more productive in the long run.