Everything you wanted to know about new Twins shortalls

OK, I’ll bite. What are Twins shortalls?

They’re overalls, but with shorts on the bottom instead of full-length pants. Many decades ago, they were generally little boys’ clothes (JFK’s son John Jr. wore them). Recently, they’ve become something of a fashion item, I understand.

How weird. Why do you have them?

Because they were free, and I rarely turn down free promo stuff.

Is there a whole “Daisy Duke” style on the internet where women wear overalls with short cutoffs, posing as “country but HOTT?”

There is. But this company doesn’t sell those. And if you want examples, go find ‘em yourself.

The company that sells these things is called FOCO (which stands for “Forever Collectables”) and they sell a TON of fan-related stuff. Most of which is pretty normal (backpacks, beanies, bottles, etc.), and some of which is flippin’ strange. Want a three-foot-high “Wally The Green Monster” bobblehead for $1400? They have this! Imitation Legos of Yankee Stadium? Sure! A Green Bay Packers “Staffordshire Terrier Statue”? You know it.

And whatever this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle thing is supposed to be…

If you’re bored sometime during a rain delay, check out the different weird stuff on their website. (It’s very well-designed, and easy to navigate.) My personal favorite is the Chicago Cubs “Day Of The Dead” skull, which unfortunately doesn’t have a Twins counterpart. That thing is genuinely cool.

They don’t have shortalls for every MLB team. And they don’t have both men’s and women’s sizes for the team shortalls they do sell.

For the Twins, they only have a women’s version. But they offered me a alternate-team men’s one, too! I always take free stuff! The Mariners weren’t available (my second-favorite team), so I went with the set that would match my TwinkieTown username from 10 years ago, “twinsbrewer” (as a Twins fan and beer homebrewer).

If I’d put more thought into this from strictly a “what I like” viewpoint, I’d have gone with the Tigers one (nifty stripes) or the Astros “Tequila Sunrise” one (even niftier stripes). I kinda went boring with picking the Brewers. But that’s still better than the Dodgers one that has paint splatters on it for some reason.

(Because, sure, yeah, your average Dodger fan is a house painter, except they wear overalls that leave their legs bare while painting ceilings).

So, how are they as clothes?

Seem perfectly decent to me! With the standard caveat involving overalls, that you need to scrunch the whole thing down to use the restroom. Which would make it embarassing for men using urinals. But, men, you should really be sitting to pee, anyways, it’s better for emptying the bladder. And less messy! That’s better for custodial staff at the stadium, and your domestic partner/roommates will appreciate you being less messy.

And be aware, this is a decorative/fun clothing item. It’s not denim, like functional overalls. I wouldn’t work on your farm tractor wearing this.

For the record, Mrs. James thought they were fun outfits, and liked the huge pocket in front. The old lady across the street said “cute!” when we were walking to our neighbors’ to take our photo.

How are they as a thing you would wear in public, where people can see you?

Umm… I’m not sure. If you’re 26, it’s a definite look. For young women, kinda Daisy Duke-ish… and FOCO does have straw hats to match. For men of any age, it’s more “grownup into model trains but also shorts.” We’re in our 50s, so that’s definitely a different look. I probably won’t be wearing mine in public. (Especially because mine is the Brewers one!)

But I do think it will be fun to have these on when friends come over for summer barbecues, and ask “where the HELL did you get those?”

I also think they’d be fantastic grownup Halloween outfits. We are definitely wearing these for trick-or-treaters, who will probably stare at us in stunned bewilderment. The whole point of children is to utterly confuse them about why grownups are Odd.

If the Twins made the World Series, and somebody bought you a ticket because you are not rich, would you wear this stuff?

OH GOD IN HEAVEN YES I ABSOLUTELY WOULD

Are these as good as the Twins sexy underwear you used to be able to buy through a link on this very website?

Nope! And, yes, TwinkieTown once sold those. You could absolutely buy sexy Twins underwear through a link here, nine years ago or so. Lingerie, garters, you name it. You could go full Tim Curry in “Rocky Horror” if you wanted, with a Twins logo (but he would always strut those garters better than you could.)

Along those lines… can men wear the women’s Twins shortall, if they adjust for the size difference?

If they’re me, they can.

Should FOCO start selling sexy underwear?

Probably not… although I do notice that they have a section for “Minnesota Twins Toys” which is, at the moment, empty. I can think of some toys they could put on there.

So, bottom line, check out the unusual variety on the FOCO site, if you like offbeat things. And get these shirtalls as a strange gift for someone, if you spend $68 dollars on strange gifts for people. I think they’d be a really fun gift for a baseball fan turning 50, or 60, or one of those “you can wear silly stuff now, nobody cares” ages… which is ours. Yours too, if you don’t die!

Thanks for the free Halloween costumes, FOCO! And thanks for shipping super-fast, and getting the sizes right. And thanks to the nice promotions person who contacted me to begin with.