Asking Eric: Close-knit working relationships ‘chill significantly’ after performance review is misinterpreted

DEAR ERIC: For more than a decade I have worked in the administrative offices of a busy law firm. I am at least 20 years older than my three coworkers, all of whom joined the firm fresh out of college.

During my tenure, my colleagues have all married and started families. Owing to the rigors and responsibilities of parenthood and life in general, one or more of my associates is routinely absent, and increasingly all three simultaneously. The burden of picking up the slack inevitably falls to me.

At a recent performance review, I referenced the stress of handling the office alone and my inability, as a result, to meet the core responsibilities of the department. This was a statement of fact intended to underscore the need for additional personnel. Instead, the firm’s executive director reported to each of my colleagues that I had complained about their chronic absenteeism, which yielded charges that I, a single male with no children, was insensitive to their familial obligations. Our formerly close-knit working relationship has chilled significantly.

Our HR department defines annual reviews as confidential spaces where free expression is encouraged. My supervisor, however, breached that trust. My complaint to HR yielded a commendation for a superior work ethic, which I found patronizing. My supervisor’s tactics were ignored. As my department is no longer the collegial, supportive atmosphere it once was, I am considering resigning and sharing the reasons with our managing board.

– Legal Limbo

DEAR LIMBO: You should definitely go, if you have another job lined up. Resigning sends a message, but that message shouldn’t come at the cost of your financial stability.

But your instincts about this job are right. This isn’t a place that prioritizes supporting you or your coworkers. And it seems like the top brass is either woefully inept when it comes to communication or randomly manipulative. It doesn’t have to be this way. You brought a workflow problem to their attention, and they gave you a gold star and stirred up unnecessary drama instead of giving you and your coworkers the support you need. Great if you’re on a soap opera. Not so great in real life.

Before you resign, try to mend fences with your coworkers. You may not get back to that close-knit relationship you had, but there’s no reason that you should remain the villain here.

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(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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