Asking Eric: I’m planning a cross-country trip, but don’t want a travel companion

Dear Eric: I am planning a trip next year to the other side of the country.

The purpose of my trip is two-fold: to spend some time with an elderly relative and to travel for a few days to a nearby major city in order to connect with friends and see the sights.

I have several family members who live in the area, and I am making plans to see them all. However, one family member seems to think that they will be accompanying me on the entire trip, including to that major city, because “we don’t get to see each other enough.”

This is true – we don’t, as they moved to this area of the country decades ago. But it’s also irrelevant; I’m not looking for a traveling companion.

Any ideas about how I can send this message without being hurtful?

– Solo Visitor

Dear Solo: In my book, the best way to communicate is also the best way to fly across the country: directly. It’s not unkind to tell your relative that you have a full agenda and are hoping to see a lot of different people, some of whom the relative doesn’t know, and so you’re planning to make the trip alone. Being direct about saying “I’ll see you at [X] place and [X] time and then I’m going to the next stop on my itinerary” helps you make your expectation and your capacity clear.

Now, what if your relative ignores that and says “I don’t mind just hanging out at the hotel while you see your friends” or something like that? Then you have to be even clearer.

“No, that won’t work. I’m looking forward to seeing you at [X] place, but I’m going to be taking the rest of the trip by myself.” If you’re up for it, you can offer an alternative time for the two of you to spend longer together. But that’s not what you planned and it’s not your responsibility to manage that on this trip. Your relative may be letting their enthusiasm get ahead of them, but if they’re feeling hurt by your agenda, that’s not something that you caused.