Belonging Vs. Belongings: In Search Of Meaning In A Consumer-Driven World

Human beings are wired for connection. We crave community, a sense of belonging that defines who we are and where we fit in. Yet for many, in today’s hyper-consumeristic culture, that innate desire for belonging has often been replaced by the pursuit of belongings.

As we accumulate more stuff—gadgets, clothes, cars, and, if you’re me, hats—we’re left wondering if any of it really brings us fulfillment. Is the drive for material possessions leading us astray from what matters most?

It’s not a stretch to say some of us—maybe even you—may be focusing on belongings over belonging, and the consequences are becoming apparent.

Data on mental health, social isolation, and consumer behavior from the past few years paint a troubling picture. We are chasing after things, but increasingly, we feel more disconnected, anxious, and lonely.

The Shift

Social media amplifies the notion that success is measured by wealth and appearances. According to a 2021 Deloitte study, 44% of millennials and Gen Z reported being “chronically stressed,” with social media cited as a major cause. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok promote luxury lifestyles, creating a never-ending comparison trap.

We’re not just keeping up with the Joneses—we’re trying to outdo a curated, digital version of them. (Hello, influencers!)

Meanwhile, consumer debt continues to rise. In Q2 2024, U.S. consumer debt reached a record high of $17.8 trillion, while Canada’s debt rose to $2.46 trillion, both driven by credit cards, mortgages, and loans. People are spending more than ever, but what’s the emotional return on that investment?

Chasing the Wrong Dream

A former colleague recently shared a revealing story. He was a high-level executive who, by all outward measures, had it all. Yet, despite his success, something felt missing. He and his wife decided to sell their home and possessions to “world school” their kids. They now live out of backpacks, focused on relationships and experiences.

His story is not unique. Many high achievers report a similar feeling of disillusionment, especially after a major milestone like a big promotion or significant acquisition.

The phenomenon is called the “arrival fallacy” and is the belief that once we achieve a goal—particularly a material one—we’ll be happy. However, as research by psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar suggests, this happiness is fleeting. The emotional high wears off quickly, leaving a void often filled with the pursuit of the next shiny object.

The Link Between Materialism and Loneliness

One of the clearest indicators of the issues with prioritizing belongings over belonging is the rise in mental health challenges. Research from the World Health Organization (WHO) shows rising rates of anxiety and depression over recent years. Disconnection between individuals and their communities is growing.

Materialism and loneliness are closely linked. A 2021 study in the Journal of Consumer Research found that people who prioritize material goods over relationships are more likely to experience loneliness and anxiety.

The more we focus on acquiring stuff, the more isolated and mentally unwell we feel.

Real-World Belonging

Companies that foster a sense of belonging show the opposite effect. Take Patagonia, for example.

Known for its environmental activism, Patagonia creates a community of employees united by shared values. Job satisfaction comes not from perks but from a sense of purpose. The company has built a culture that prioritizes belonging over belongings, creating an environment where employees feel connected to one another and the world around them.

Similarly, the Buy Nothing movement encourages people to share goods within local communities without financial exchange. It fosters trust and community, showing people can thrive without focusing solely on material wealth.

The Offline Club—as I reported here on Forbes—prides itself on building a community of belonging by not using technology.

Balancing Belonging and Belongings

Rejecting all material possessions is neither realistic nor necessary. Belongings can enhance our quality of life. However, when we define ourselves by what we own or seek fulfillment primarily through consumption, we lose sight of what truly matters.

Belongings—whether cars, homes, or gadgets—should serve us, not define us. You’re likely reading this column on a phone or laptop. These tools can connect us in meaningful ways when used intentionally.

In 2022, researchers from the University of Bath found that as people’s basic needs are met, their desire for more material goods declines. Instead, individuals prioritize social connection and sustainability, which offer greater long-term fulfillment than material accumulation.

Their work aligns with decades of psychological research: the connections we make, the experiences we share, and the communities we build bring lasting fulfillment.

The Call for a New HeirBnB

As leaders, both in business and in our personal lives, it’s essential to understand the distinction between belonging and belongings. It’s why leaders need to be advocating for the HeirBnB—the balance of belonging and belongings.

Building strong teams, fostering connections, and prioritizing shared purpose over material gain can transform not only the way we work but also the way we live.

The “HeirBnB”—the need to balance belonging with belongings—is a result of the realization that while the pursuit of material wealth is not inherently wrong, our most significant accomplishments lie not in what we acquire but in how we connect.

If we continue to measure success solely by our belongings, we risk building a future that is disconnected, anxious, and ultimately unsustainable.

But if we shift our focus toward fostering belonging alongside belongings—within our organizations, communities, and personal lives—we can create a more prosperous future in the ways that matter most.