Commentary: Suggested job qualifications for the world’s top job | Vashon-Maury Island Beachcomber

Given U.S. history for the last eight years, you may be as puzzled as I am why there are only four qualifications for being a United States President, which for some daft reason comes with the nuclear codes:

• You must be born in the United States.

• You must be 35 years old (which is not nearly old enough).

• You must have lived here 14 years.

• You must have a pulse.

This last one I added myself. I’m not sure it would hold up in court. You’ll note I made no reference to a requirement for brain activity, but I worry more about brain activity in the voters.

The position of U.S. President is arguably the most important job in the world. It’s an incredibly tough job that requires round-the-clock attention, knowledge of world affairs, an uncanny sense of where our nation should be headed, and a bedside manner that endears you to everyone.

It requires a lot of other stuff, too (empathy, ethics, management skills, and knowing how to keep your dog from biting people), but for another daft reason, there are no such prerequisites. There is no educational requirement, no work requirement, and worse yet, no dance contest. Our esteemed Constitution misses all that. This proves that the “founding fathers” can’t be trusted. Regular fathers would know better.

If you look into the backgrounds of past presidents, you’ll find most of them were previously in the military or attorneys. George Washington did not serve in the United States Army because it didn’t exist, but I give him some credit for starting the French and Indian War (look it up).

The military can be good experience (I liked Ike, too), but attorneys? Seriously? All the attorneys I have ever met, save one who was a terrible attorney, specialize in “spin,” which is possibly why as a profession they migrate towards politics.

Perry Mason was always looking for the truth. Not so today. When Dave Barry was running for President a few years ago, his foreign policy consisted of this: If another country gave us any c—p, he’d drop a planeload of attorneys on them. If that didn’t work, he’d send a second planeload. And if that didn’t work, he’d give the third planeload parachutes.

Lots of Presidents previously were governors, senators, or representatives before taking office, but those are not real jobs. Five had never been elected to public office before serving as President: Taylor, Grant, Hoover, Eisenhower, and Trump. Reagan was an actor before becoming a governor, but all politicians are actors now. Trump is the only one listed as “real estate developer and reality television personality.”

Jimmy Carter studied nuclear engineering and was a naval officer and farmer. Hoover was a mining engineer who wrote a book with his wife (a translation of the classic text “De Re Metallica”) that is still in print. Obama was a community organizer and visionary. And Trump was a reality television personality.

Only one of them inspired an attack on our Capitol that struck at the very core of our democracy, and surprisingly it wasn’t an attorney.

My point is that there are no required qualifications for the job. How many of you have applied for a high-powered job that had no required qualifications? Even announcers for combative sports events are licensed (really), as are architects, auctioneers, bail bondsmen, boat dealers, and I’m just getting started. But not Presidents.

It’s time we had some required qualifications for those wishing to be a POTUS. Ideally, the qualifications would be crafted by an independent committee of representatives from all sectors and include a ranking system. The committee would also define the official duties and place limits on them, thereby eliminating one problem created by the Supreme Court.

Until that happens (hopefully before our sun explodes), I want to offer some requirements for running for President. A candidate must meet all these by Inauguration Day, or their butt’s back on the street and the bill for the party (we’re having it anyway) will be headed their way.

• You must have been born here. It’s traditional.

• You must be at least 50 years old. Extra credit for having grandchildren.

• There could be an upper age limit, but it would have to be higher than my age in 2028, or my entry into politics will be affected.

• You must have a college degree (4-year) in something applicable (political science, public administration, geology…think of all the state fossils, etc.). Extra points for a graduate degree.

• You must have a history of working collaboratively on projects that serve the public good.

• You must pass (with honors) an ethics test.

• You must be good with kids and seniors.

• You must like dogs.

• No — I repeat — no criminal record of any type.

• You must like green chili… but we can make that optional. Red chili works, too.

I guarantee that if all our candidates met these requirements, we’d have a well-managed world, free of drama, and lush with green chili plants. What could be better than that?

Greg Wessel is an island geologist.