‘Deadpool & Wolverine’ review: Relentlessly irritating, with cheap jokes instead of stake

Warning: This review contains light spoilers about Deadpool & Wolverine. 

At the end of 2008’s Iron Man, there was a little moment where Samuel L. Jackson’s Nick Fury approached Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark, speaking about “the Avengers initiative.” It catapulted fans into ecstasy and perplexed others left to ask, “Wait, who’s that guy?” Now, 16 years later, with audiences treated like rats pushing a lever for another morsel of food, we’ve reached the logical endpoint of this treatment. Deadpool & Wolverine is a movie made entirely of post-credits scenes. It is a carnival of in-jokes, self-references, and reality breaks with no higher purpose than to congratulate its audience for keeping up. It has no stakes, no drama, and only the most cynical applications of creativity. What’s most depressing is that it may end up making a billion dollars.

The first and second Deadpool movies (and even the PG-13 re-release Once Upon a Deadpool, with its amusing Princess Bride wrap-around) were always a little less clever than they thought they were but were mild enough entertainment to essentially win me over. This third outing, in which Ryan Reynolds returns as Wade Wilson, the “merc with a mouth,” to team up with a parallel universe’s spin on Hugh Jackman’s Logan, better known as the X-Men’s Wolverine, is simply too repetitive, too immature, and too irritating to enjoy. This movie, directed by Shawn Levy with a script credited to five screenwriters, basks in its “more is more” philosophy with all the subtlety of a 10-year-old buzzing on a kazoo, reveling in negative attention. It’s unbelievable just how annoying it is.

The story begins with Wilson, depressed that he was rejected by the Avengers superhero team, living a drab existence with his parade of outcast pals. (The very funny Karan Soni, Wilson’s cab driver buddy Dopinder, gets maybe 45 seconds of screen time in this, which is a damn shame.) Members of the Time Variance Authority yank Wilson to a pocket universe to tell him that he’s been essentially “called up” to the big leagues; he is to join the “main timeline” of what we who watch movies refer to as the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Of course, Wade Wilson calls it this, too, because Deadpool & Wolverine is just besotted with the notion of slamming the brakes on its own momentum to make jokes about Hollywood. This is not a new thing — Bob Hope and Bing Crosby made barbs about Paramount executives in Road to Morocco back in 1942 — but they knew that a little went a long way. This movie simply can’t stop; it assumes that everyone in the audience is well-versed in the boardroom maneuvers of 20th Century Fox and Disney and will get jokes about what “Feige said” (a reference to producer Kevin Feige.) When Wilson sees a skull under an Ant-Man helmet, he yuks that Paul Rudd has finally aged. There’s also a crack about Jackman’s recent divorce. When things get a little too Mad Max-ish, he worries about being in the wrong IP. Who is the audience for this? Entertainment lawyers who watch TMZ?

What’s strange (or, perhaps a more positive spin is to say gutsy) is how these “we know this is a movie” gags become the foundation of the plot, going beyond Reynolds barking “cue the montage” or telling the camera to pan up for a cool shot. When the local TVA fella Paradox (a mincing Matthew Macfadyen) tries to pluck Deadpool from his world to the “main” world, it is because his world is about to be wiped out of existence. (The reason is because Logan, as seen in the movie Logan, died, and he was a load-bearing character.) Paradox thinks Wilson will be thrilled, but he wants to save his friends, so this involves him going to other universes to find a different Logan. (This does kinda make sense.) He grabs a particularly drunk and surly Logan, but when Paradox finds out about the plan, he banishes them both to The Void.

And it’s here where the self-referencing goes into overdrive. In The Void, Deadpool and Wolverine meet dropped characters from the Fox versions of Marvel movies. And even one fella that was just a bit of casting rumor. I won’t spoil all of them, but I will mention that when Jennifer Garner’s Elektra pops up, this naturally affords the movie to make a Ben Affleck crack, which, of course, it does. 

This persistent reliance on navel-gazing is annoying, and with everything being so on the surface, there’s no urgency whatsoever to the story. The central quest (if you can remember it through all the tangents) is meaningless because none of the characters are real. This problem is compounded because Deadpool and Wolverine can’t die — so we watch three lengthy scenes of them just stabbing one another to no effect, set to zany needle drops. (It’s AC/DC, Madonna, and a number from Grease.) One would be acceptable. Three, ironically considering how there’s no killing, is overkill. 

The other thing that has really outstayed its welcome is Reynolds’s teasing gay banter. The series boasts its subversive lewd talk (mug for camera — I just mentioned X in a Disney movie, whaaaaaat??!), but you know what? I don’t see Reynolds actually kissing other men. That would be a bridge too far, I guess. If one wanted to interpret the Deadpool phenomenon as being homophobia-by-overcorrection, I wouldn’t stop ‘em.

It may sound like I absolutely hated this movie, but that’s a little unfair. When you throw 7,000 jokes at the screen hoping something will stick, a few of them certainly will. As such, I did laugh several times; I am not a monster. There’s also a recurring bit where The Void’s evil Empress and twin sister to Charles Xavier, Cassandra Nova (Emma Corrin), enters people’s minds by jamming her fingers into their heads. The special effects in this movie are simultaneously unnerving and very funny. It’s a neat bit. 

Also, there’s a constant in any universe: Jackman is always compelling. The 55-year-old Australian entertainer is shirtless throughout much of the big finish, and while you never quite know what is CG in a Hollywood movie, the man is just preposterously ripped. His muscles aside, he’s also got a few scenes in this featherweight story where he is tasked with “acting,” and he manages to bring some depth to those scenes. (Reynolds, alas, does not have as much luck when the spotlight is on him.) 

I’m sorry for being a curmudgeon and not liking Deadpool & Wolverine. I assure you I am not a pain in the butt on purpose. I just feel that if a movie is going to monopolize the conversation, there should be a little care put into it. The movie is two hours of cheap jokes, culminating in the world’s biggest Family Guy episode. It tries so hard to be clever, it just ends up being cringe. Luckily, Twisters is still playing if you haven’t seen it yet. Grade: C-