Dignity and respect – NH Business Review

Everyone deserving dignity and respect is a simple idea but also complicated and challenging. I suspect that most people agree with it, at least in principle.

But what about Vladimir Putin, leader of Russia? As someone who lived more than four years in Ukraine, I find myself pushing back against my idea of dignity and respect when I think of what Putin has done to that beautiful country and its people.

And, of course, there are others I could cross off, including violent criminals, people who engage in offensive behavior (like the guy who gave my wife the finger on the highway), as well as politicians (and their supporters) with political views different from mine.

But once I start making exceptions to the everyone-deserves-dignity-and-respect principle, it becomes hard to decide where to draw the line. So, I think it is better not to have any lines, as hard as that can feel sometimes. Everyone — no exceptions — deserves dignity and respect.

Of course, believing that everyone is entitled to dignity and respect does not mean that people are off the hook for their behavior. Every person needs to be accountable for following the law, and, while it may not be illegal, expressing hatred toward others violates basic principles of Christianity and other religions, not to mention common decency. We all need to be responsible for our actions.

So, how should we interact with people who engage in behaviors we find offensive?

One of the most inspiring stories I have ever heard was when Derek Black, the godson of former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke and son of Don Black (founder of the Stormfront online community), was attending New College of Florida. When his white nationalist views became known on campus, a group of Jewish students invited Black to attend their weekly Shabbat dinners, and eventually Derek wrote an article renouncing white nationalism.

Why the change? Clearly, it resulted from the relationships he had developed with those Jewish students who welcomed him back week after week to eat and socialize with them. They could have denounced Black but, instead, they treated him with dignity and respect and invited him into their lives. This must have been anything but easy, but look at the amazing result! I consider those Jewish students to be modern-day heroes at the highest level — incredible role models for us all.

These days it is so much easier to write people off and even make derogatory comments about them on social media. We can be quick to criticize others, while holding ourself to too-low a standard. George W. Bush once said, “Too often we judge other groups by their worst examples, while judging ourselves by our best intentions.”

Shaming others for their views is ineffective argued David Keen, professor of conflict studies at the London School of Economics and Political Science, on a “Hidden Brain” podcast. Keen has written: “Drawing from experiences in Sierra Leone’s civil war and the dynamics of political discourse in the United States, it’s clear that shaming can entrench divisions and even be manipulated by its targets to reinforce their support base.” Shaming comes at “the expense of meaningful discourse,” Keen argues, “perpetuating cycles of blame and division without fostering genuine improvement.”

With respect to political polarization, failing to treat others with dignity and respect might feel good in the short-term and generate kudos from your political “tribe.” But it only adds to the nation’s growing division, reinforcing for those on the other side their own negative views of people on your side. I recall the Cold War term “mutually assured destruction” used to describe the growth of nuclear weapons (and the hope that the other side would not use theirs!) during the 1960s.

Derogatory terms have become so widespread in public forums that they have reached a level of common usage. We need to change how we talk about others, both publicly and privately. We can do better.

For further thought: Do you believe that all people are worthy of dignity and respect? Have you found yourself using derogatory terms for people with different viewpoints than yours? Do you recall situations when your actions failed to live up to your personal values?

We each have an extraordinary opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives, including our own. Don’t underestimate your impact!

Douglass P. Teschner, founder of Growing Leadership LLC, can be reached at dteschner@Growing-LeadershipLLC.com.