How to Travel With Friends Without Coming Home as Enemies

The horror story goes something like this: A friend group travels to Europe together. After picking out their rooms, there’s a small disagreement over how to keep the Airbnb clean. Then two people argue over splitting the bill at dinner. When the sweaty group waits in a two-hour-long line to climb the Eiffel Tower, one friend makes a bitchy comment toward another about not reserving tickets in advance. Tempers flare, more barbs are traded, and the drama engulfs the rest of the vacation. By the time everyone boards the flight home, no one is on speaking terms. In the end, the trip made it out of the group chat, but the group chat didn’t make it out of the trip.

Maybe you’ve read stories like these online and felt pity. Or maybe you’ve been there, wanting to do nothing but enjoy some pasta and wine in peace on your Italian getaway while your friends give the Real Housewives a run for their money after having one too many Aperol Spritzes. Here are 12 suggestions from the Cut staff that will help you keep the peace and make sure your friendships survive your next group trip.

It helps to be clear about what you prioritize spending money on versus what you don’t so that there are no surprises when you’re trying to pick out an Airbnb or make dinner reservations. I usually find myself saying something like, “I’d prefer to keep accommodations between $80 and $150 per night, because then I can spend more on good meals.” Or, as much as you can help it, just go on group trips with people who have similar spending habits. —Sarah Miller, photo editor

I know it’s not affordable for everyone, especially if the location is a particularly high-end one. But I promise having a room to decompress in away from everyone is worth the money. —Brooke Marine, deputy culture editor

I always find it helpful to have a loose itinerary shared in a collaborative Google Doc before the trip. You’re going to be so cranky if you show up to the fancy spa that has no tickets available and a monthlong waiting list. You can always revise your daily schedule or improvise off of what you have, but some structure is key, or else you’re spending half of your vacation researching. —Cat Zhang, culture writer

Group trips are a notorious pain to put together. Don’t string your friends along with a “maybe” for more than a week or two of the planning process. If you can’t give a straight answer, allow them to move forward coordinating logistics without you. And if, for any reason, you must pull out of a trip after deposits have been paid, you are on the hook for your share (unless someone else is ready and willing to replace you). I was once on a bachelorette trip where a work conflict came up last minute for one of the invitees. Not only did she honor her commitment to the shared costs of the weekend, but she asked one of the restaurants on our itinerary to send the group a seafood tower at dinner. Classy! —Catherine Thompson, features editor

Forcing the group to do everything together is a great way to fester resentment, and you won’t always have the power to pick a locale with maximum walkability or good public transport. Plus, you never know when that added flexibility will solve a hair-rising logistical crisis. Have you ever quelled a fight with a last-minute CVS run? I have. —Danielle Cohen, writer

At minimum, everyone should know the address of where you’re staying and check-in and checkout times before the trip starts. —Trupti Rami, assistant managing editor, digital

Are people more inclined toward a structured schedule that starts at 7 a.m., or do they plan to get up at their leisure and wing the day? Are your friends down to party until dawn, or do they want to call it a night by 10 p.m.? Setting schedule expectations will help you plan the trip and avoid conflict later on. The same goes for boundaries, especially if you’re mixing friends from different parts of your life. Better to know what makes people uncomfortable ahead of time than have to mediate mid-trip, when Friend A is upset that there’s a half-naked rando walking around the Airbnb after hooking up with Friend B. —Andrea González-Ramírez, senior writer

Any adventure only requires one guide and someone to check them in case they’re not great at directions (this is a public apology for whenever I’ve made my friends walk a block the wrong way). If more than two people are looking at the map, as a group we’ll spend too much time standing in the same place, create a conflict where everyone thinks they’re right, and look like big-time tourists. This rule is even more important in a driving scenario. Only the passenger should be allowed to give directions in that case (and control the aux), while people in the back seat relax and fully immerse themselves in the landscape. —Maridelis Morales Rosado, photo editor

Track expenses and who owes what on Splitwise. —Bindu Bansinath, writer

Some people need downtime to recharge or nap. Others may want to work out or read a book. Some may just want to go on a little solo walk. If there are couples on the trip, maybe they want to have sex, assuming the rooming situation allows! It’s everyone’s vacation, so everyone should get independent time to use as they wish. —Sasha Mutchnik, senior social editor

Stay present and enjoy where you’re at, even if things don’t go as planned — because they usually won’t. If there are any unexpected delays or long lines to wait in, I volunteer my phone for a few rounds of the game Heads Up!. It’s the best way to make the time pass, it’s fun, and it brings everyone together. —Katja Vujić, writer

… But you do have to be respectful. Disagreements will happen. When they do, remember you only have control over your own actions and reactions. Keep it light, keep it moving. —T.P.