‘I couldn’t keep her safe.’ A scary close call with her toddler motivates 1 mom to lose 44 lbs

She started with what she knew she needed most— accountability

“I had all kinds of equipment and opportunities, but no accountability,” she says. “I realized I was never going to fit exercise into my life doing what I was doing. I needed to plan that first and then figure out everything else.”

Her husband Will is fit and active, but she didn’t want to turn to him for accountability: “You can’t expect your partner to hold you accountable and still love them at the same time.”

She relied on him for emotional support as well as practical help with meal planning, grocery shopping and cooking. “I couldn’t have done this without my husband’s support. If I need to get to the gym, he makes sure he’s home to take care of our little one or get her to school,” she says.

For accountability, she began working out with trainer Eddie Escobar at Ultimate Performance Los Angeles. “I told him I wanted him to hold me accountable — no excuses. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person, and I wanted to completely commit, even through Thanksgiving and Christmas. If that meant hurting my family members’ feelings because I wasn’t eating their pies or their food, I had to stick to my guns, for me, my little one and my family.”

He did that, even through holidays, birthday parties and a friends’ wine tasting in Temecula. “I was the designated driver,” she says. “I made the decision to stick to the plan. I took out any excuse I could and said, ‘Let me give it my all for 12 to 20 weeks.’”

Her plan includes:

• Weight training two to three mornings a week: “I’m not a morning person, so the fact that I’ve been wanting to wake up early and do this before work is huge. That shift is wild to me.”
• A goal of 10,000 steps a day, even if that means walking back and forth indoors.
• Other workouts, including Pilates, strength-training classes and boxing: “I’m trying new things I never would have tried a year ago. I socialize, make connections and find joy with my movement.”
• Finding a good work/life balance. Once she logs off at the end of the workday, she doesn’t log back on to try to finish notes or charts: “I’ve got meals to make, a little one to play with and things to do.”
• Regular, restorative sleep for eight hours a night: “Before, I was sleeping four to five hours a night and then I would crash for one day every couple of weeks.”

More tracking macros, less fast food

Takeout and fast food were everyday habits for Byers — sometimes more than once a day. She says she was at Jack-in-the-Box so often that the workers there noticed when she got a new car. And after she changed her habits and her local Chinese restaurant hadn’t heard from her in a while, they called to see if she was OK.

She learned to track her macros (protein, fat and carbs) and she uses a meal delivery service called Macroplate. Now that she’s met her goal, she adds in more healthy carbs like quinoa, rice and oats. On the weekends, she’ll eat with her husband, sister or other family members once or twice. “I don’t track or care about what I’m eating then, and on Monday I get back to work,” she says.

She went through a week when life got busy and she stopped tracking her food. “I noticed I was feeling more fatigued, cranky and short-tempered. When I looked back on it, I had introduced a lot more sugars. I realized that sugar was impacting my ability to get good quality sleep and my happiness overall, even if in the moment it felt great,” she says. “I learned that it’s OK to have treats, but in moderation, and not right before bed, since the sugar interferes with my sleep.”

She’s also drinking more water. “I was drinking two quad-shot espresso iced lattes a day, plus Dr. Pepper and sodas. I was drinking all this caffeine and feeling so drained,” she says. “Now I’m not drinking any coffee or soda. I just have one little energy drink a day. The movement and nutrition have given me energy and life again.”

Now that she’s maintaining her healthy habits, she’s more mindful of the effects of her choices: “As I introduce more foods back and go out with friends, how does that make me feel? How is my sleep affected? How is my work affected? I’m learning what’s good for my body.”

Movement improved her mental health

Byers saw a mental health counselor before her daughter was born to build strategies for dealing with the postpartum period. She later reconnected with the counselor because she was having intrusive thoughts about her daughter.

“I thought about Holly rolling off the bed, climbing out the window and jumping off the balcony, even though she was a newborn,” she says. “And then, four months after I had Holly, I lost my grandmother. It sent me down a spiral, thinking that life is so fragile. I was really struggling to just be present in my family life.”

She didn’t have any energy or motivation, she didn’t like how she looked, and she was frustrated that her husband was in such great shape.

“I was so unhappy. I was snappy when Will wanted to eat healthier or didn’t want to get Postmates with me. I felt internally judged for my choices, eating dumplings and Jack in the Box every night of the week,” she says. “I was snapping at him every time he wanted to go to the gym and exercise. I was so frustrated, and I didn’t know why. Looking back, it’s because I was envious that he had that discipline and that mindset of taking care of himself. I didn’t have the tools.”

She would tell her counselor she was going to be more active, but she wasn’t doing it: “Every week I was showing up and having to admit I didn’t do the homework. I felt like I was failing, so I started spacing out my appointments further and further.”

At the gym, she stopped talking about what she was going to do and she started doing it. “That’s really given me back my mental health. I’m feeling more clear-headed, with less intrusive thoughts and anxieties,” she says.

She’s transformed her relationships with the people she loves

Byers changed her mindset, and that has changed her relationship with Will. “Before, I felt sorry for him that this is what he’s married to for the rest of his life. I was so grouchy and tired. I didn’t want him to snuggle or even look at me at times. I wanted to watch my shows and escape from the world. We’ve been able to reconnect and get on the same page in our marriage,” she says.

They love to travel, and they recently took their first big trip, to the Cook Islands, since she started focusing on her health. “It was the first time I was looking forward to a trip. I was excited to wear cute outfits and swimsuits, go kayaking and be active. I wasn’t just laying around eating nachos and drinking,” she says.

She’s also started new family routines. Every night before her daughter goes to bed they go for a family walk and then play in the backyard and play: “We’re making sure we have dinner early enough to build that into her timeline.”