I Gave My Niece a Roof Over Her Head and Found Her a Job. What a Mistake.

Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Athena, Kristin, and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt, 

My niece was 10 when her parents divorced and has milked it for as much as it is worth. Both of her parents remarried and she has stepsiblings. She doesn’t get along with anyone and would just play her parents off each other. She’d scream she hated one and would go live with the other one until someone else pissed her off. Rinse and repeat. My sister and her ex would let the guilt get to them and let her walk all over them. She barely graduated high school. And shows zero inclination to higher education of any kind or getting a job. She is 21 now.

Her father finally got sick of it and kicked her out. My sister begged me to take my niece in for a fresh start. What I found was a lazy, manipulative brat who felt the world owed her everything. She was a complete slob and her “job searching” was playing on her phone and going out to bars to try to get guys to buy her drinks.

I told her she had three months to get a job and start paying rent. She cursed me out and moved in with an older man. When that fizzled out, she came back saying she saw the light and would start job searching. I arranged for her to work as a stocker at a friend’s business. She only showed up for one shift—so I showed her the door. She is back at my sister’s place and is causing severe strain on my sister’s marriage. My sister is begging me to take her again. She feels trapped between choosing her husband or her daughter. I tell her it is time for some tough love. My niece is an adult and has to do adult activities like getting a job and paying bills. My sister has stopped talking to me. I love her and I love my niece but this has gone on long enough. Is there anything else to be done?

—Failure to Launch

Dear Failure to Launch, 

Even though it sounds like your sister’s absence is weighing on you, stand firm and hold onto the boundaries you’ve already set. You can’t keep bailing your niece out, and now it’s up to your sister to decide if she will follow your lead. Yes, your sister and her ex-husband likely made their fair share of parenting missteps. But your niece is an adult now, and it’s time for her to do those adult things we all love—like showing up to your job.

Even as you remain steadfast in your refusal to take your niece in a second time, you can still support your sister. Really consider what you can feasibly give her emotionally. Can you listen to her vent (without offering advice if she doesn’t want it)? Can you be the person she can come to when she wants to get her mind off of the situation? You can start by reaching out to check in on her. When she brings up the topic of your niece, reiterate that you can’t give her housing but that you still want to be there for her and the family. Remember not to give in to any pleading.

If your sister does ask for your input on the situation, you might suggest that she have her daughter start paying for one monthly bill and go from there. If the bill isn’t paid, your niece loses whatever service she was supposed to pay for, such as car insurance or her cell phone. Family counseling between your niece and her parents might help get to the root of the problem—if they can coax her to go. But ultimately, this situation didn’t develop overnight, and it’s going to take some time to untangle.

How to Get Advice From Pay Dirt

Have a nagging (or totally inconsequential) question about a money issue in your life? It’s fun to see your words in this column! Send it in now.

Dear Pay Dirt, 

I am a 50-year-old woman, with no children and no spouse. I did have 10 years’ worth of medical bills and $60,000 in student loans that I paid off in full, check by check. I now have no debt. I rent a two-bedroom apartment that is basic but I’ve made it cozy and comfortable. Financially, I have about $53,000 in investments and another $20,000 in a cash account for emergencies. If I keep my health, I’ll probably work until I’m 67, as I like my work.

Here’s the thing: I’m terrified that no matter what I save between now and then, I’ll still end up a poor old lady. I’m so embarrassed that I haven’t achieved more in life that I can’t bring myself to meet with a financial advisor. I really struggle with feeling like things are hopeless, and this keeps me up many nights. Is my situation as hopeless as it looks?

—Sleepless, Not in Seattle

Dear Sleepless, Not in Seattle, 

First, kudos on getting where you are. You might not realize it, but having the amount of money you do have saved for retirement and for emergencies is impressive. Plus, paying off over $60,000 in student loans? That’s not an easy feat. It’s still OK—and a pretty common experience—to feel scared, but I have some suggestions for rounding out your safety net even more.

Look into catch-up contributions. Starting at age 50, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) allows you to add extra funds to certain retirement accounts. For example, for the 2024 tax year, you are allowed to contribute an additional $7,500 on top of the standard contribution of $23,000. For individual retirement arrangements (IRAs), you can contribute a catch-up contribution of $1,000 on top of the standard contribution of $7,000.

Also, consider low-risk investments to help your cash and future savings grow. In high-yield savings accounts, you can earn anywhere from 10 to 20 times more interest than a traditional savings account. You can find great rates online and even locally at a credit union, but always check to see if the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) or the National Credit Union Administration (NCUA) is backing the financial institution you decide to go with. Other options that may interest you could be money market accounts, certificates of deposit, or bonds purchased through the U.S. Department of Treasury. You can set up an account through an easy-to-access brokerage like Fidelity, Vanguard, or Goldman Sachs.

And don’t forget about your Social Security. You can start receiving your Social Security retirement benefits at age 62, but it’s suggested that you wait until 67, the full retirement age, for the maximum payment amount. The Social Security Administration encourages you to create an online account with them if you haven’t yet done so to learn more about your benefits and the amount you are currently on track to receive. Ultimately, you don’t have anything to be embarrassed about, though I know it can be hard to convince yourself differently. You’ve got this.

Want more Pay Dirt every week? Slate Plus members get an additional column each week. Sign up for Slate Plus now.

Dear Pay Dirt,

I have growing anxiety over my student loans. I have money left to me by my grandmother that could pay off half of my loans. Is it a bad idea to do so now?

—To Pay or Not to Pay?

Dear Pay or Not to Pay, 

It’s hard for me to make precise recommendations without more information. The type of student loans you have, their respective interest rates, the amount you still owe, and the amount you’ve inherited all would influence the answer though—so do consider those factors when you’re thinking this through.

What I can say is that anxiety about money is a heavy burden to carry, and if knowing that half of your student loans will be gone forever will help ease it, I’d consider going for it. If you do decide to use this money for your loans, call your loan servicer and get something in writing that states the money you’d be paying will go toward the loan principal. This means the money will go directly to the amount you borrowed, and it’ll make your balance shrink faster, cutting off the time you’ll be paying and the money spent on interest.

—Athena

Classic Prudie

Is it tacky to ask for somewhat expensive gifts when you are not throwing an expensive wedding? My fiancé and I do a lot of volunteer work. Because of that, we’ve made some connections with people that are gracious enough to donate materials or time to the wedding. We are having a wedding in the spring in a community garden center. It’s in a beautiful Victorian-style mansion that was donated to the organization. Most of the beautiful flowers will be in full bloom during that time. Our taste is a bit more casual and we love the architectural details of the house so much that we’ve decided to have very minimal decorations.