I tried suburban living for 3 years and was miserable. I’m back to city life and never looking back.

In 2021, my partner’s employer announced a return-to-office policy. We realized that his commute would be about 90 minutes each way if we stayed in the city, so between that and wanting more space, we decided to move closer to his job in the suburbs.

Looking back, I wish we’d spent more time looking for a place in the city instead of escaping to the suburbs.

Our lifestyle changed after moving to the suburbs

In October 2021, we moved to a two-bedroom apartment in Arlington Heights, a suburb about 25 miles northwest of Chicago. Our rent there was $1,500 and we had more space, free parking, and in-unit laundry.

In the city, we’d owned cars but had mostly walked or taken public transportation. We’d lived about four blocks from Lake Michigan, and during the pandemic, we’d walk to the beach every day after work.

But in the suburbs, we had to drive everywhere. I tried to incorporate walking into my routine, but the suburbs just aren’t built for that. Going to the grocery store or taking our dog to the park required us to drive.

When we lived in the city, we’d see friends just about every weekend and could decide to hang out pretty spontaneously. In the suburbs, we had to make a concerted effort to be social, and it required a lot of planning.

We’d expected that going back into the city every weekend would be a breeze, forgetting that traffic would mean the trip would take at least an hour each way and we’d need to find parking.

In the city, there was a gay bar called The Sofo Tap that became our go-to place on Friday or Saturday nights. It catered to people like me — larger gay men and gay men of color. In the first suburb we lived in, there weren’t really any bars within walking distance of us, and driving to a bar felt counterintuitive since I was going to the bar to drink. When we moved to another nearby suburb after two years, we lived within walking distance of bars, but as a Black gay man, I didn’t feel comfortable being at those bars for long periods of time.

I realized how miserable I was in the suburbs

I first noticed that something wasn’t right when I stopped fitting into my clothes despite my diet not changing at all. My depression got worse, and I realized how much of my health and well-being had been tied to a city lifestyle.

The car culture in the suburbs really drove me over the edge; it got to the point where I stopped wanting to go out and do things. The weather and climate also had a huge impact on how I felt.

Our last winter in Chicago, I couldn’t get out of bed because of my depression. It was a struggle to eat, go to work, or have any kind of daily routine. If I woke up and saw it was sunny out, those were always the easiest days. On cloudy, rainy, snowy days, my depression got the best of me.

I realized that I no longer wanted to live somewhere where the weather had such an effect on my mood. I’ll always have depression and it’s something I’ll have to manage, but I wanted to live somewhere that made it more manageable.

We’d been talking for years about maybe moving to LA, and whenever we visited, Braden could see that I was happier there. On one of our trips, he told me he could see himself living there. I felt the same way.

Our lease was coming to an end in May of this year, and we decided that if we didn’t make the move then, we’d never do it.

Living in LA allows me to see more joy

At the end of May, we packed up our belongings and our dog in a U-Haul and drove down to Los Angeles. Our place is on the smaller side — it’s about 700 square feet and we pay $2,540 for it — but the amenities and environment make it worth it.

The culture here is very laid-back and not as fast-paced as Chicago. Instead of the typical 9-to-5 lifestyle, people here seem to have a different relationship with work, in a good way. Both of us are fascinated by the entertainment industry and hope to work as writers in it one day, so being adjacent to it has been great.

West Hollywood is also kind of the epicenter of queer culture here, so we’ve appreciated being able to find providers like doctors, therapists, and dentists within our community.

LA has a car culture and isn’t very walkable, but it has a public transportation system and some neighborhoods are walkable. We live about a 20-minute walk from my workplace, and we walk to the grocery store a couple of times a week.

There are also a lot of walking destinations — places you can drive to and then walk around, like parks, reservoirs, and even outdoor malls. We’re about 20 minutes from the beach, so we often drive there and walk along the boardwalk.

I still experience depression, but being able to get outside helps a lot. Even though we’ve only been here since June, I’ve noticed that my depressive episodes don’t last as long and aren’t as severe as they used to be.

It’s a lot easier for me to see the joy in life here. Just waking up and knowing that the sun is out helps me a lot with my mood. Even Chicago’s best days in the summer don’t really compare to the worst days in LA.

Maybe we’ll move back to Chicago, but never the suburbs

We plan to be in LA for the foreseeable future. I could see us moving back to Chicago someday to be closer to our mothers, who both live in the Midwest, as they get older. Ideally, we’d move back and buy a home of our own, but that’ll probably be about 10 years down the line.

But I’ll never move back to the suburbs.

If you moved to a new place and hated — or loved — it and would like to share your story, email Jane Zhang at janezhang@businessinsider.com.