I want to give my kids a big, memorable Christmas. My husband wants to give them a couple small gifts each. How can we compromise?

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• For Love & Money is a weekly Business Insider column answering relationship and money questions.
• This week, a reader’s spouse disagrees on how much to spend on their kids.
• Our columnist says that compromising needs to be about finding their common values.
• Got a question for our columnist? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.

Dear For Love & Money,

My husband and I are disagreeing about gift-buying for our kids. We have two young children, and while I want to make sure they have a magical holiday season with gifts they’ll love, my husband thinks we should stick to an (extremely low) budget. He’s a minimalist and believes keeping things simple with one or two small gifts is plenty and will teach our kids good habits for the future.

On the other hand, I love to see their eyes light up when they open presents, and I enjoy picking out unique gifts that I know they’ll enjoy and use for years. I don’t want to overindulge, but I also want them to feel excited and loved, especially when they’re at an age where they’re starting to understand the joy of receiving presents.

We’ve already argued a few times about our differing approaches, and I’m starting to feel like we’re not on the same page about handling gift-giving as a family. How can we find a compromise that keeps Christmas special without one of us feeling like the other is going overboard?

Sincerely,

Gift-giving Dilemma

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Dear Gift-giving,

We’ve all heard, “It’s better to give than to receive,” but that’s easy to forget as children eager to find out what’s inside the box under the tree with our name on it. Then we grow up, and year after year, we discover that all that’s in the box is something we would have bought for ourselves if we’d wanted it all that much.

This is when many adults, in an effort to recreate the traditions of their youth, learn the true meaning of that adage — opening a box full of magic on Christmas morning pales in comparison to conjuring it yourself. However, not all adults have this experience, and for them, the vibrant joy of the holidays fading with each passing year simply feels as inevitable as growing up.

To their eyes, stripped of childhood wonder, the holidays look like consumerism gone wild.

These differing points of view have less to do with objective right and wrong and more to do with personal experience. After all, Christmas is whatever we choose to make it. So, whatever compromise you and your husband reach this holiday season, you must create it together.

Your husband is much more likely to appreciate the way your children’s eyes light up when they open their gifts if he isn’t as surprised as they are. Helping him experience the joy of gift-giving firsthand is your best bet for avoiding the same argument next year.

That said, your husband also has an important perspective, and you should be open to it. He has a point. I doubt you want your children to grow up believing that unchecked materialism is the true spirit of the season any more than he does.

A compromise in this situation feels fairly straightforward: pick a budget you both agree on and stick to it. However, if you’re thinking $500 a kid and your husband is thinking $50, I can see why this would be easier said than done. This is why I have some suggestions to make your compromise less complicated.

Financially, you could do a few things to find a middle ground. First, make sure you’re getting as much value out of your rewards credit card with any purchases as you can, whether that’s with points or by using a shopping portal. Doing all of your holiday spending this way will allow your christmas shopping to earn you money, even as you spend it.

Another option, though it may be late for this year, could be dedicating a savings account to the holidays. Christmas is a lot like tax season; we know it comes every year, so why not save for it? I’m sure your husband would feel much better spending money he knows won’t be coming out of the monthly budget. This has the added benefit of being a great example for your children. Teaching them that living generously is a beautiful lifestyle that begins with saving for it.

Perhaps I’m assuming your husband’s motives, however, and his gift-giving philosophy has less to do with money and more to do with guarding against materialism. Whatever his reasons, you both have totally fair and completely different images in your heads of the perfect Christmas.

Whether your vision is shaped by the opulence of “The Nutcracker” or the cozy improvisation depicted in “Little House on the Prairie,” neither of you is more right than the other, and something in between is almost certainly the most appropriate option. But who cares what’s most appropriate? The best Christmas for you is the one you make, and the perfect Christmas for your kids is the one you and your husband create together — whatever that ends up looking like.

Rooting for you both,

For Love & Money

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