I was named after my mom’s first husband who died in war. I’m proud to carry his legacy.

My nickname, Jackie, is easier for people to hear and spell. Occasionally, when I give my name to a barista, they furrow their brow and reply confused, “Kathy?”

I probably just need to speak up.

None of this is terribly significant, and I don’t love or hate the name Jaclyn for any of the above reasons. There is, however, a lot of meaning associated with my name. I was named after someone very special in my mom’s life.

I was named after my mom’s first husband

My mom was married briefly in her early 20s. High school sweethearts, my mom’s first husband was a year younger than her, but they met and became close because they hung out in the same friend group. Her first husband’s name was John Hayden West. Everyone called him Jackie.

I’ve heard stories about Jackie’s dimple, especially since I have one as well. He played football, was known to be brave, kind, and loving, a good brother and son, and was my mom’s best friend.

According to my mom, Jackie’s father served in World War II, and his brother served in the Vietnam War, so when Jackie’s lottery number for the Army was almost due, he volunteered to serve. He felt it was his duty. After Jackie graduated from basic training, he went to infantry training at Fort Polk, Louisiana, and was then sent to serve in Vietnam.

He was killed in war only 5 months after marrying my mom

Jackie was trained as a machine gunner and, in his attempt to provide cover for the evacuation of wounded men, he was killed in action on March 7, 1969, at the age of 20. He and my mom had only been married for five months. 

Jackie was awarded a Bronze Star Medal for heroism in ground combat and for “personal bravery, determination, and exemplary devotion to duty.” He was also awarded a Purple Heart and other commendations.

Five years after Jackie’s death, my mom met her second husband. Her new husband knew my mom had been married before and that he had been killed in action in Vietnam. But he didn’t want to know any specific details, including Jackie’s name.

When my mom was pregnant with me, and my parents were considering names, their first choice for a girl was Jocelyn. That changed when my father randomly suggested the name Jaclyn. It was a name they both loved, but it also gave my mom an opportunity to nod to her first husband secretly.

Almost a decade and a week after Jackie’s death, I was born. A coincidence my mom considers a sign of fate. I like to think so, too.

He’s special to me because he was special to my mom

A few years ago, my family of five was on vacation in Washington DC, and we stopped at the Vietnam War Memorial Wall. I found John’s name and showed my children. My daughter made a drawing of Jackie’s name and its location on the wall. We took an etching and talked about the Vietnam War, their grandmother, and her relationship with Jackie.

While I never got to meet Jackie, he’s always been special to my mom; therefore, he’s also special to me.

I love hearing stories about Jackie, and I’m honored to carry his legacy through my name.