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If it’s on TV, does that make it a sport, a game or downright awful?

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4 weeks ago

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If it’s on TV, does that make it a sport, a game or downright awful?

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There’s an age-old debate among sports fans that has nothing to do with a rivalry, a popular player or a team. And it’s become worse with so many ESPN channels and other outlets crowding up our cable and streaming services, looking for content to fill air time.

If you’ve ever thought, ”How is that a sport?” you know what I’m talking about.

Let’s be clear: One person’s recreational game might be another’s serious sport. It’s been that way for years. Participation is in the eye of the beholder. But if it’s on TV, does that automatically make it a sport? I’m not so sure.

The notion was parodied in the classic comedy, “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story,” with the hilarious line, “If it’s almost a sport …”

With that in mind, here are a few examples of things you can find on TV if you look hard enough. Some have been around for years, others are fairly new. Along the way, I’ll offer my take on just where it should land in the ”sport or not?” debate by handing out grades. This risks ticking some folks off, obviously, but that’s OK. My email is at the bottom of this column, so feel free to let me know what you think.

Here are the grades: A) Legit sport B) Just a game C) Something to do while drinking D) None of the above.

Let’s play.

Cornhole: Gonna get a lot of blowback for this one, but B and C.

Come on, this gained prominence at pre-game tailgates across the country. Just because there are leagues, and it’s on ESPN-WHATZIT? doesn’t make it a legit sport. I’ve played, and it’s fun, but so has my 6-year-old grandson.

Bowling: B and C.  I say this as someone who loves bowling, a highly underrated spo … er, game that’s been televised for decades. It’s not all that easy, but it’s fun if you don’t take it too seriously and, some might argue, the kind of game you get better at the more you drink. You can order a pitcher, pizza and some wings while you play. Plus they still make you ‘’rent’’ the two-tone colored shoes (anyone really believe that spray is doing anything?). No serious sport does that.

Golf: A

Another longtime TV staple. So why does golf get an A while bowling doesn’t? Because it’s even harder than bowling. And no matter how much you’re playing ”for fun” and remind yourself you won’t take things too seriously, the frustration from constant chunks, skiffs and ‘’where’d-it-go?’’ shots is hard to suppress. Plus, its professional overseers from competing men’s tours have been in a dogfight that is centered around dizzying amounts of money that we just don’t hear about on the PBA tour (or the LPGA, unfortunately).

Pros pay someone to carry their bags and they bring their own special shoes, no picking them up at the counter here.

Darts: B, but mostly C

What? Darts you say? OK, if you scour the much higher channels on cable or your favorite streaming service at odd hours, perhaps on one of the BBC networks, you might stumble across ‘’professional’’ dart matches, usually airing from across the pond and taking place in a crowded pub. It’s intense. It’s competitive. It’s downright dangerous. I’ve watched it, and it can be compelling, if for no other reason than you can’t believe you’re actually watching it on TV. And these throwers are pretty good. But a sport? Sorry, mate.

Power Slap: D

By now, you’ve probably heard about this one. If not, I dare you to search for it on YouTube, just wait until the kids are off to bed. It’s just what it sounds like — both men and women compete. Two people stare each other down and brace themselves, then take turns slapping each other in the face as hard as they can over three rounds (or until one is knocked out).  Judges score the slapping, just like a boxing match.

There are rules of course — slaps must be below the eyes and above the chin, for example. Once someone is slapped they have 60 seconds to recover and then slap their opponent. It’s hard to watch, but hard to turn away from as well, like a car crash on the highway.

It’s not a sport. It’s definitely no game. And while drinking too much has probably been a precursor to many a slap in bars on weekend nights, alcohol should have no part in this awful spectacle. I hope elementary school kids who play outside during recess (is that still a thing?) don’t get wind of this if they haven’t already.

(At this point, I can hear dissenters saying, ”Yeah, I’d like to see you try it, tough guy!” Well, you’re right, I wouldn’t stand a chance. But I don’t swallow swords or dance on fire either for a reason.)

Video gaming: A

True, ”game” is in the name, but the competition here is serious stuff, and top gamers draw many viewers on Twitch who will watch, learn and help top gamers cash in. The Arizona Interscholastic Association, which oversees high school sports in the state, even has a sanctioned Esports competition for school teams each spring. Quick thinking and great hand-eye coordination are key traits of top athletes in every sport, so yeah, sport it is.

Pickleball: A

Imagine my surprise when I noticed this showed up in The Arizona Republic’s Sports on TV listings. Maybe I just wasn’t looking hard enough before then. A year ago, I wasn’t so sure where this might have fallen on this grading scale, but given the way it’s taken off? Yeah, sport. Too much movement and hand-eye coordination just like regular tennis and table tennis (wait, is that last one a sport?).

I’m sure others could be discussed (competitive eating, anyone?), but this is a start.

Chris Coppola is assistant sports editor for The Arizona Republic and azcentral.com. He can be reached at chris.coppola@arizonarepublic.com.

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