If Planet Fitness Is a Judgement Free Zone Then Why Can’t I Pay My Fees in Copper Wire

A few months back I got laid off from the steel mill after drunk driving an overhead crane, so money has been a little tight. I’ve slashed my budget down to just the bare essentials. The only extra expense I refuse to give up is the gym.

There is nothing I take more seriously than my personal health and when I fell on hard times, the only place that was sacred turned its back on me. Planet Fitness loves sitting on its high horse claiming to be a so-called “Judgement Free Zone” but I brought at least 20 pounds of clean, already stripped, copper wire to maintain my membership and the staff refused my, more than fair, haul of scrap.

I was getting by for a while taking various metals to the scrap yard for cash, but one little altercation where I put the cashier in a headlock for trying to lowball me on the price of iron and that option was taken from me. So I figured Planet Fitness would understand and accept the wire I ripped out of my neighbor’s garage.

Now this isn’t the first issue I’ve had with Planet Fitness. Last April I was asked to leave after bringing my pet snakes in to use the massage chair, they go nuts for it. But I just figured that was due to some sort of ridiculous sanitary rule. However this time the fatcats funning this smug organization showed their true colors when they threatened to call the police on me for simply trying to sculpt my delts, and maybe for smashing the card scanner with a well-timed headbutt.

I shouldn’t be surprised Planet Fitness turned out to be yet another disappointment in the tragedy that is life. It’s my fault for trying to remain at least a little optimistic. I actually believed I would be free from judgment for once in my life and they broke a trust that can never be repaired.

I thought my life was over without the gym. However I always find a way to overcome adversity, and this time is no different. I realized how much these facilities were actually holding me back. Now, the whole world is my gym. From marathon pull-up sessions on monkey bars at the local playground to deadlifting as many frozen turkeys as the grocery store has. I now have the ability to show everyone how strong I am. Also how fast I am as the police are called pretty regularly, but a body like this doesn’t happen without some hurdles to overcome.