I’m a wealth manager and handling my parents’ estates took years. I’m leaving iron-clad legal directives for my kids.

• Ari Brojde thought his grandmother’s estate would be easy, but it took nearly three years to settle.
• Brojde and his cousin invented software to help streamline estate administration.
• Talking ahead of time and getting iron-clad legal directives can speed up estate settlement, he said.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Ari Brojde, founder of Estateably. It has been edited for length and clarity.

When my grandmother passed away in 2015, I was working as a wealth manager. My grandmother’s estate was the most plain vanilla situation: she didn’t own property, and her only asset was a retirement account worth about $250,000. She had a will, which said the proceeds of that account were to be split equally between her three grandchildren.

We all got along, and everything was clear, so I thought we’d be done in months. I was wrong.

It took years

Two and a half years into the process I called my cousin, and said “is there something wrong with our family, or is there something wrong with this system?”

We agreed it had to be the system — which was convoluted and time-consuming even for such a seemingly simple estate. We began interviewing professionals, including accountants and lawyers, and they confirmed that the problem wasn’t us — ealtit was inherent to dealing with a loved one’s estate.

My cousin and I wanted to change that. We created Estateably, a software that guides families and professionals through administering the estate process. I also started taking steps to make my eventual demise easier on my wife and two kids, who are 13 and 16 today. Here’s how.

My will isn’t a surprise

It’s critical to have conversations about your intentions. Communicating ahead of time goes a long way to head off any feelings of hurt or miscommunication. I’m talking with my kids, in an age-appropriate way, about what they can expect from my will.

For example, when my dad died I was only 29. I was hurt that he hadn’t left me a substantial inheritance. It wasn’t until my mother died decades later that I realized, for tax purposes, his decision made a lot of sense. If we’d talked about it before he died I would have saved a lot of hurt.

I’m working with professionals

Thinking about your will is hard enough. Getting it in writing in a way that’s legally binding can be impossible. That’s why I’m working with professionals, including lawyers and accountants, who are experts in helping people make their intentions clear. They think about the nitty-gritty details of these transactions all day, every day, and they’re a great resource.

I’m planning for incapacitation, not just death

People understand they should put together a will that dictates their finances when they die. But it’s also important to consider what should happen with your assets if you become incapacitated.

This is personal for me — my mother died from a rare, progressive illness that changed who she was. Seeing that, I’ve put very strong language in my own health care directives and written documents. It covers not only what should be done with my money, but makes it explicitly clear that if I were in a vegetative state, I would want to be euthanized. I’ve even ear-marked money to move to a jurisdiction that allows that, if that’s necessary and legal.

I’m keeping good records

When we can’t speak for ourselves — because of death or incapacitation — we rely on our records to speak for us. Keeping meticulous written documents can keep things from going off the rails, and reduce friction between family members. I tell people to get everything in writing, right down to the epitaph on the grave. Control as much as possible while you can.

I’m automating where I can

Being the executor of an estate is extremely time consuming. From closing social media accounts to selling assets, there are hundreds of administrative steps. Platforms like the one me and my cousin created help take a bit of that administrative burden, by automating the mundane tasks that families need to handle.

As boomers get older our society is preparing for an unprecedented wealth transfer. Technology can help the next generation feel empowered, and give them more space to grieve without worrying about the logistics of their inheritance.