Mark Madden’s Hot Take: Fantasy football is serious business in this Pittsburgh league

We’re in the middle of fantasy football draft season. Most participants are just sadly pretending.

If you invest $50 or $100 or whatever piddling sum, there’s no real risk. That’s OK, but don’t posture like you’re Howie Roseman. Don’t bore people with tales of brilliant roster management: “I got Aiyuk! The Khan Artist didn’t! HAW, HAW, HAW, HAW!”

If you’re a Pittsburgh native, there’s only one true test of fantasy football excellence.

It’s a league that used to be based out of a now-defunct South Side eatery. Said restaurant was a gambling mecca. It was on the NFL’s “do not enter” list.

That restaurant is gone. The fantasy football league remains.

Last I heard, it was up to 60 teams: Five divisions of 12 teams each, with each division having a separate draft.

The price: $6,600 each. That’s a total prize pool of almost $400,000.

Minus what the commissioner takes, of course. As Al Swearengen of HBO’s “Deadwood” said, “I wouldn’t trust a man who wouldn’t try to steal a little.”

There’s not just one winner. There are weekly payouts, and at each level of the playoffs, etc.

I’m not exactly sure because I’ve never entered. I won’t gamble that sort of cash at something I’m no good at.

Plus, even though this league is run like clockwork and on the square, I don’t trust anybody in it. That makes no sense, except it does.

My friend Rino has a team in each division. That’s nuts. Five teams at $6,600 each. That’s $33,000. He usually does all right.

Lots of the league’s participants make crazy side bets, too: Who wins head-to-head, who finishes higher in the standings, stuff like that. Side action puts at least another six figures in play.

The draft is a trip. I like to watch. People sweat every pick, and they should.

Participants in the first of the five drafts are at a disadvantage: They actually have to think.

Drafts are held nightly. By the time the fifth night takes place, that draft follows the template set by the previous four nights.

The most efficient drafts are conducted by guys like Rino, who flies lone wolf. He has no partners beyond silent. (I took a percentage once. Like I said, Rino usually does all right. He knows ball, as the kids say.)

The worst drafts are by conglomerates of multiple investors: Say, six partners at $1,100 each. They loudly debate every pick, often using all the time allotted, then still take the wrong guy. (If I attend a draft and am sitting proximate to one of these groups, I often try to fuel their arguments, occasionally injecting speculation over an injury that doesn’t exist. “He’s the radio guy, he would know!”)

It’s a lot of fun, except it’s not just fun: It’s real money.

I’m well aware that fantasy leagues in other towns might cost far more, not least those involving celebrities. But this is Pittsburgh. I’m a celebrity here.

The point is, if your fantasy league has some trifling entry fee, shut up about it.

Actually, if you’re in any fantasy league, shut up about it.

Those who administer the fantasy league discussed in today’s space also run block pools for the Super Bowl and NCAA men’s basketball final that cost $1,000 per block. They also have an NCAA men’s tournament auction that draws insane money.

If any arrests are made as the result of this article, I’d like a finder’s fee. Or at least a free entry.