My daughters want to go to Ivy League schools, but I don’t want them to face a lifetime of student loan debt. What should they do?

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• For Love & Money is a column from Business Insider answering your relationship and money questions.
• This week, a reader is worried their daughters won’t be able to afford the colleges they want.
• Our columnist says that Ivy Leagues can be surprisingly affordable, and they can start saving now.
• Got a question for our columnist? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.

Dear For Love & Money,

I’ve been encouraging my twin daughters to aim for the Ivy League their whole lives. As someone who took out student loans that I’m still paying off, I never worried about how they would pay for it.

My daughters are in high school now, though, and working so hard to make this dream come true, I’m starting to worry that it might. We are middle class at best. There is no way I can afford for my girls to go to Harvard or Yale, but I also hate to dissuade them from such an exciting goal over money. I also hate to burden their futures with student loans like I did. What should we do?

Sincerely,

Broke Parent of College Bound Twins

Dear Broke Parent,

I’d wager that most adults have yet to reconcile their dreams with reality. Few know if they have the skills, grit, or luck to see their big plans through; even when money is tight, the dream gets boring, and better offers come along.

For instance, I am a 35-year-old woman still chasing a 26-year-old dream of being a novelist, even though I have never made any money or progress in this endeavor. Meanwhile, my husband works in banking, makes a solid income for our family, and spends most of his time fantasizing about an alternate universe where he’s crunching sports stats and interviewing basketball players.

Most adults I know are like either my husband or me — following their dreams well past the point of common sense or giving up on them before they even got started. Then, these same adults have kids who get told to believe in their dreams, and they’ll come true. And so our kids tell us they want to be famous baseball players, ballerinas, and marine biologists in Central Kansas, and we know how to handle their dreams as well as we did our own. That is to say, not at all.

Fostering those dreams can feel as dangerous as crushing them. But dreams are always good, even when they’re not achievable, because they give us something to strive for. The dream you have instilled in your daughters is valuable for that reason alone. Don’t beat yourself up over nourishing hopes that may not come true. Getting into the Ivy League is an ambitious goal for everyone. If your daughters can manage it, the last thing you should do is consider it a parenting fail because you can’t put your money where your mouth is.

However, the good news is that you don’t have to be a billionaire (or saddle your daughters with a lifetime of student loans) to afford the Ivys, even with twins. To help me respond to your letter, I talked to a college admissions and tuition expert. Jeffrey Selingo is the best-selling author of “Who Gets In & Why: A Year Inside College Admissions.”

Selingo assured me that while Ivy League schools are expensive, their tuition is on par with those of other private universities. The main difference is that prestigious schools have more resources and are free to prioritize diversity. This diversity includes income and geography. To help kids living halfway across the country who can barely afford to travel to the college of their choice, let alone the tuition, most Ivy and Ivy League Plus schools cover all or at least a significant portion of their students’ “demonstrated need.” Demonstrated need is the gap between what you can afford and your daughters’ achievement.

Your daughters must file FAFSAs and possibly a CSS profile to qualify for full demonstrated need. These formulas calculate how much aid your daughters will need based on your expected family contribution (how much they think you can afford) and the cost of attendance at their school of choice.

Selingo said that with your stated financial circumstances being “middle class at best,” your daughters probably won’t need to worry about paying much. But if they find that student loans will be a necessary part of their journey, he suggests you see them as investments rather than burdens.

Look at the cost of the loan versus your daughters’ expected income. If they can reasonably plan to pay off their loans in 10 years, consider what they are paying for — learning from some of the best minds in the world, making priceless connections, and getting to put “Yale” on their résumé for the rest of their lives. That said, you can always look into Pell Grants, work-study opportunities, and private scholarships before you take on any loans. Fastweb is one of the best scholarship websites, and it’s a great resource for finding and applying for scholarships.

I would also add that it’s not too late for you to begin saving. As disheartening as it can be when time creeps up on us, and we realize we’ll never save $80,000 in two years, throwing up our hands isn’t the right call. There are a lot of costs associated with college that aren’t covered by tuition, and those are important to save for, even if your daughters qualify for 100% of their full demonstrated need.

College visits alone can get expensive, and your daughters will want to furnish their dorm rooms, and, of course, there’s always the cost of books. These expenses alone are worth opening up a savings account. Look for space in your finances, however small, and set up monthly automatic transfers for that amount into a dedicated account. You can also begin planning for those travel expenses; open a travel rewards credit card now in anticipation of their trips winter and summer breaks over the next few years.

Whatever you do, I hope you never stop dreaming and teaching your daughters to do the same.

Rooting for you,

For Love & Money

Looking for advice on how your savings, debt, or another financial challenge is affecting your relationships? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.