My teenage daughter and I went on vacation just the two of us. It helped us better connect.

• It’s sometimes difficult to connect with my teenage daughter, so I planned a trip to LA with her.
• We went to amusement parks, like Disneyland, and relaxed by the pool.
• The trip helped us better connect and lean into spontaneity. 

When I reflect on my teenage years, I remember the peer pressure, the pimples, and the sting of social awkwardness. I especially remember the feeling of my parents just not “getting me.”

Now, as a parent to a teenage girl, I often worry she feels the same way. I wonder if she feels like we can’t connect and that I couldn’t possibly relate to what she’s going through. I know that I often struggle to understand her world and find it impossible to connect with her when she’s constantly distracted by her social life and social media.

So I took action and decided to plan a weekend getaway — just me and my 15-year-old daughter. Here’s how I planned and survived our trip together.

I planned the trip with my daughter

“Travel allows you to be with your teen without the rest of their ecosystem getting in the way,” Mendi Baron, an LCSW, told me. “Make the most out of the experience by seeing what your teen wants to do and finding a way to synthesize both of your experiences together.”

So, for our mother-daughter trip, we sat down together and came up with our shared vacation wishes over dinner: Sunshine and pool time scored high on both wish lists. “Roller coasters” was a top theme on her wish list, while I added “at least one museum visit” to mine.

We reached a compromise: “I’ll ride the crazy coasters if you make the most of your museum visit with me,” I told her.

We considered a few destinations but ultimately decided that a five-day trip to Los Angeles would perfectly fulfill our wish list.

With four full days in Los Angeles, we split the planning in two. I planned two days focused on LA culture. My two-day itinerary included a tour of Sony Pictures Studios, a tour of the Grauman Theater, a stroll down the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and a visit to the Hollywood Museum.

My daughter was in charge of our two theme park days and devised a careful plan of the rides we couldn’t miss at Disneyland and Universal Studios Hollywood, as well as our breakfast, lunch, and dinner options for each day. She downloaded the apps for both parks and scheduled our day on the app so we could enjoy a stress-free day of theme park fun.

We also chose our hotel, the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, which fit our wish list because of its dazzling swimming pool.

The trip was a perfect balance of planned activities and downtime

Our trip was the perfect mix of sightseeing, fun, and relaxation. I made a point of scheduling downtime by the pool to catch up and catch some rays, making the most of the LA sunshine. We even enjoyed a poolside yoga class, striking our best warrior princess poses beside the swimming pool.

Our tour of Sony Pictures Studio gave us fascinating insight into the incredible efforts and expertise involved in making movies.

At Disneyland, we zipped down Space Mountain, zoomed around the Matterhorn, and paddled around Tom Sawyer’s island in a mega-canoe. At Universal Studios Hollywood, we mingled with the Minions, flew aboard a Hippogriff, and met Jaws on the famous studio backlot tour.

I screamed my head off on every roller coaster, much to my daughter’s delight — a reminder that our kids love nothing more than to see us laughing, smiling, and enjoying ourselves.

We were able to connect in a whole new way

As much as I complain about my daughter mindlessly scrolling TikTok and texting endlessly, I admittedly fall victim to doom scrolling on occasion.

Before the trip, I asked my daughter what she thinks is appropriate phone usage while on a family vacation and we set guidelines together. We decided to use our phones only to capture photos but limit texting, emailing, and scrolling to 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening.

Since we set the guidelines together, it was easier for us to keep one another accountable. It helped us better connect as mother and daughter. I feel like we were able to get to know each other in a whole new way without our phones between us.

I reminded myself that being a teenager is a complex and transformative phase. But traveling together, one-on-one, helped me better understand my own growth and resilience. I learned how to be more open-minded, patient, understanding, and adaptable. I learned to embrace spontaneity.

And I learned sometimes the best memories are made when we focus on embracing the fun.