Nick Canepa: Sports has become a speed trap designed to diminsh some of the best players, teams

Sez Me …

America has become a speed trap.

We have entered the era of athletic tachycardia. The heart cannot have patience with its patients. It must race.

Sports have become all about speed. And Distance. And height.

Low and slow is for smoking various meats.

The Olympic motto, “Faster, higher, stronger,” was not meant for what’s happening now. When Pierre de Coubertin borrowed those words from a Dominican priest in 1894 for the first modern Olympic Games, he probably was smart enough to know men and women naturally were going to run faster, jump higher and get stronger.

That was long before PEDs made for AI — artificial improvements.

But the computer nerds, whose closest brush with athleticism is turning the basement doorknob, have us infatuated with speed, height and distance.

In baseball, it’s no longer about the mere distance of a home run. But how fast did it get there? What was the “exit velo?” How high was it hit?

Does it matter? Did it leave the yard? That matters.

“Well, that guy just grounded into a double play, but he hit the ball 107 mph.”

Who gives a damn? Hard out. No better than a softer out.

A pitcher throws 100 mph-plus. Man, that’s tremendous. Except he gets hit like an old rug.

Check out the Mariners’ offensive stats, the worst in the history of baseball. Batting .217 through 90 games entering Saturday. They swing and miss a lot. But at least they swing hard.

The nerds have eliminated batting average as a thing of importance. Fewer than 15 MLB batters are hitting .300. In my time, men on base could lead to scoring.

The Padres’ Luis Arriez has won back-to-back batting titles in two leagues and been traded twice for the accomplishment. I wonder if Tony Gwynn’s eight batting titles would be enough to get Hall of Fame votes today.

Gotta swing for the fences now. Flip the bat. Strike out a lot.

Yeah. Really thrilling.

Basketball. It’s about three-pointers. Distance. And dunks. Height. The three and dunks have taken away creativity — shotmaking — from the most beautiful of games. Know what stat I’d like to see? The number of steps players take in a game.

Speed matters in football. The Dolphins have the fastest offensive team in history. Their last title team was coached by Don Shula. Marcus Allen and Jerry Rice were too slow to play in the NFL. Fake 40-yard dash times are lies scouts slobber over. The Chiefs allowed receiver Tyreek Hill to leave for Miami. He’s as fast on the field as anyone we’ve seen. K.C. won anyway, by playing football better than everyone else.

Tennis. Service aces at 130 mph, and the player on the receiving end walks to the other side of the court. Goosebumps. Give me Laver and McEnroe. Rallies. They played tennis, with wooden rackets, not rocket launchers.

Golf. Equipment has taken over. I watched the U.S. Open and Rory McIlroy was bombing 350-yard drives. He missed tiny putts at the end to lose it. They’re out-muscling golf courses, which one day may resemble airport runways.

If there was a highlight of the presidential debate for me, it was Biden and Trump bickering over who can hit a golf ball a greater distance.

I’m surprised we haven’t upped the Fourth of July to the Fifth. …

Shohei Ohtani will pass on the dangerous Home Run Derby, so we won’t get a chance to see how far he can hit a souped-up baseball. Wise. He’s a part of one every night, anyway. …

I don’t know why the Padres, with less than 2023, are more in 2024. But somehow, they picked up a stray spine on Tony Gwynn Drive. …

The Bears will give DB Jonathan Owens time off from training camp to watch wife Simone Biles compete in the Olympics. This, after the USOC denied Simone’s request to forego the floor exercise competition to watch her hubby practice in camp. …

The last time the Bears were sold, the fee was $100. No wonder they’ve never had a 4,000-yard passer. …

Dak Prescott was spotted in a walking boot. Great news for ESPN, whose tonsils will have something to lead their segments with through camp. …

Lame excuse world record: Dak says that, since he damaged his ankle in 2020, it swells when he goes deep sea fishing. Dak, that’s why God created piers and lakes. Or, walking on water hurts. …

The Clippers did the right thing not paying Paul George $212 million over four years. He’s 34. The good thing is they have a leg up on what they strive for. Not winning a title. …

Did you know a 34 year old cannot be president? …

The Celtics, who are being sold, are giving Jayson Tatum five years and $314 million, which is about what the ownership group initially paid for the club. They’d have to hold a tea party for Bill Russell and Larry Bird and give them majority ownership. …

The Lakers say: “Bronny earned this.” Yes, he did. He was born … to the purple, or, as Chick Hearn called it, Forum blue. …

Good for Bronny, but he averaged 4.8 points a game at USC. That does not translate to “earning” the 55th pick in the NBA Draft. …

There weren’t too many college basketball players better last season than Jaedon LeDee. If only he had been a close relative to an all-time great. …

In 1948, San Diego State’s Willie Steele (Hoover High School) long jumped 26 feet, 6 inches and later went on to win the OIympic gold medal. Jeremiah Davis recently won the U.S. Olympic Trials at 26-11. Jesse Owens jumped 26-8 in 1936? What’s going on? …

There are 11 years remaining on Bobby Bonilla’s Mets contract that pays him $1.2 million per season. He last played in 2001. As Kramer said, he can bring home the bacon and fry it in the pan. …

Memo to U.S. men’s soccer club: Play better. Bad officiating has run out of gas as an excuse. …

Just in: Joe Burrow has been named the most fashionable player in the NFL. Starting his own line of hospital wear. …

RIP, screenwriter Robert Towne, who wrote “Chinatown,” “Shampoo,” and more, plus getting an anonymous assist on “The Godfather.” A brilliant man. …

Heard this about The Splendid Tipper: A waiter once sat Ted Williams during spring training in Miami, telling him he’d waited on Joe DiMaggio a few weeks earlier. Ted handed him a $20 bill. “Here, I know he didn’t give you anything.” …

Hot dog eating is not a sport. Or I’d be Jim Thorpe. …

If you’re among those pigs who go to our beaches and turn them into dumps, you’re going to Mother Nature’s Louvre and slashing the Mona Lisa. Where did you people grow up, the Tijuana River bed? …

Tiger Woods and Justin Timberlake, both with 502s on their resumes, are opening a bar in St. Andrews, Scotland, where they plan to drive on the right side of the road. …

I’ve spent the past week studying up on George Washington taking over airports from the Brits. Fascinating. …

RIP, Point Loma Nazarene’s Ethan Hamilton. Damn cancer. Too soon. …

I don’t believe Tom Brady wants to be vice president. He enjoys being seen and heard.