Parents need to stop crazy-shopping for their kids’ dorm rooms

“So l do have a serious question . . . When people are taking showers at home, are they re-using the same towel again & again, without washing it?” This was a question recently posted on the Facebook group Dorm Room Mamas. With 192,000 members, it is easy to see how you might get a few people who are a little, well, off, in their expectations about college-age personal hygiene. But at last count 131 people had responded to the idea that an 18-year-old would be washing seven towels a week. 

The shower query was only the tip of the iceberg on what might be considered a support group for helicopter parents. These mothers (though there may also be fathers subscribed) have asked about which bathrobes to buy their kids, whether their sons should wear flip-flops in the shower, whether they should send a fire extinguisher or even a carbon monoxide detector to school with their child. Some even post their regrets about sending their older children unprepared. 

One mother explained that the towels she purchased last year “weren’t absorbent and didn’t dry him off properly.” Which is worse? That the mother is posting this or that her son who is old enough to serve in the army couldn’t go to Target himself to buy a towel to his liking. 

But at least his mother is not the one saying, “No one has mentioned it but let’s add it to the list . . . CONDOMS!!!” To which another poster helpfully added that she would also be buying them for her daughter. (Yay feminism!)

Ladies, if your son is not old enough to buy his own condoms, he may not be mature enough for sex.  

On the G-rated front, one contributor posted a bitmoji of herself with a loudspeaker proclaiming that she was “looking for inspiration on how the kids are storing their snacks, ramen and Mac n cheese.” There are also plenty of Pinterest boards posted with matching comforters, pillows, rugs, headboards, etc. But if your child is really concerned with such things, why not just let them loose with your Amazon Prime account and a budget. Do you really need to spend months planning their décor? 

Speaking of things your child will not need to bring with them, one post explained, “My daughter didn’t come home for the holiday bbq so I’m taking the bbq to her! This will all fit in her mini fridge.” Underneath is a picture of more than 20 sandwich bags filled with what appear to be hot dogs, chicken and potato salad. Have these people seen college cafeterias recently? They have every kind of cuisine imaginable? If you’re paying astronomical tuition, you might as well get something for your money. 

Other posts include a picture of the bathroom drawn with measurements and questions about tension rods, as well as a giant box of every medication imaginable because “not being there when she doesn’t feel good rips my heart out and stomps on it.”

We cannot blame college administrators for the current situation. They’ve worked hard  to get parents to leave campus after dropping off their children. They’ve been informed about university policies (and why they shouldn’t call professors to get them to change grades). But these actions are no match for our never-ending coddling culture. It’s also possible that the pandemic made things worse, inhibiting students’ independence and making it even harder for parents to let go. 

One might have thought that all the attention focused on helicopter parenting in recent decades — including all the jokes about it — would have had some impact. Maybe it would have caused these mothers to step back and ask whether they’re really doing everything they can to push their kids into responsible adulthood. But they can’t help themselves. When a mother takes her son shopping for “storage” at Target, he tells her he doesn’t need any because the dorm comes with everything. She says she is “taken aback” by this response and needs the support of her online community to convince him otherwise. 

There is now only a little more than a month before kids leave for college. Maybe it’s too late, but parents who really want to prepare their children to leave the nest should end the bathrobe hunt, unsubscribe Dorm Room Mamas and tell their kids to figure it all out on their own.