Sometimes Entertainment Gets It Right: How to Talk About Suicide With Your Kids

We learn from entertainment.

We might not believe it, but it’s true. Entertainment can impact what we think and how we feel. It can even shape how we might act, or react, in some very serious real-world situations.

Sometimes those lessons can be right on. Last year, a 12-year-old boy saved someone’s life after watching someone performing CPR—correctly—on Stranger Things. But sometimes, the “lessons” we learn can be horrifically wrong.

And those lessons are rarely more critical than the ones entertainment feeds us about depression, mental illness and how to come alongside someone who’s struggling with suicidal thoughts.

The Overwhelming, and Growing, Problem

It’s been 19 years since The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline launched with the number 1-800-273-8255. In its first year, the number received 46,000 calls. Now, on average, more than 3,000 teens attempt suicide every day.

“You get closer to 15 and most kids have been exposed to it somewhere, whether that’s online or in their own lives,” said Joannie DeBrito, a counselor who specializes on the topic of suicide and a regular contributor to Focus on the Family. “So, you talk very directly with them about it and what it is and why people may get to that point where they want to take their own lives, but most importantly that there is great early intervention available to help. You let them know about it, but you also let them know that it’s not a hopeless situation.”

And there is hope. DeBrito says that early intervention from doctors or mental health professionals is key. She says that the vast majority of people experiencing suicidal thoughts who receive that early intervention actually get better.

Not only do many teens deal with suicidal thoughts, but many have seen it in a friend’s life and are often put in the position of talking with them about these incredibly serious issues. DeBrito believes no one should assume a depressive state is “just a phase.”

“No one should ever hesitate from asking someone if they’re thinking about suicide out of fear that they might plant an idea,” DeBrito said. “If they really haven’t thought about it, they’ll usually thank you for asking. If they have thought about it, they’re relieved.”

Either way, showing a friend or child that you care will help solve any potential issues, not worsen or cause any nonexistent ones.

At Plugged In, we know how media can be used as a catalyst for conversation, and it seems from my own conversation with DeBrito that the conversation needs to be had. So, here are five media productions that address suicide and talking to others about suicide in a healthy way.

Oh, and a quick note: Even though they landed on a Plugged In list, these films don’t get an unqualified stamp of approval. No movie is perfect, and you’ll know better than we do what’s appropriate for you and your family. Before watching these films or TV shows or listening to these songs, check out our Plugged In reviews or (for the media that might not have reviews) do a little poking around yourself.

The Fray’s ‘How to Save a Life’ (2005)

This song by The Fray delivers somewhat of a step-by-step guide to talking with a suicidal friend. It’s written with a tone of regret that the singer did not do everything he could to save his friend’s life, but with a resolve to do everything possible in the future. DeBrito also has somewhat of a step-by-step guide.

“So, what they can do is they can say, ‘I care about you. I love you. I don’t want you to be hurt, but I don’t know exactly what to do about this. But I’m willing to walk through this with you,’” DeBrito said.

Just as the song encourages people to reach out to their friends with persistence and hard love, so you should also be willing to walk along with them as their encouragement while they tell a trusted adult.

“What we know is that support is hugely helpful for kids,” DeBrito said. “So, if they’re in a family and have wonderful parental support, this idea of keeping parents out is typically not a good idea, because the parents typically have the best ideas of how to help their children and they care the deepest about them.”

A Million Little Things underlines this point. Following the sudden suicide of seemingly just-fine Jon Dixon, his friends and family begin to tell each other about their own problems and struggles. Although the show does have some heavy content issues, the messaging regarding mental illness is on point.

In Plugged In’s review of the show, it reads, “It’s about encouraging people to open up and talk about their problems (even the seemingly little ones). To reach out to friends and family. To get help. And, as this series emphasizes, we could all use help sometimes.”

For King & Country’s ‘God Only Knows’ (2018)

No, we’re not talking about the song by the Beach Boys. Luke and Joel Smallbone of For King & Country have long been advocates in the Christian community for addressing spiritual and mental health issues, using their band and online platform as a vulnerable and scriptural ministry. DeBrito has spoken with the singers herself.

“They were so wonderful to work with and were so concerned about the issue of suicide, because they’ve had experience with it in their own lives; not themselves, but people that they know who deal with serious clinical depression and trying to figure out how to help them,” DeBrito said.

The song encourages listeners by telling them that God knows what everyone is going through and loves them more than they could know. “God Only Knows” is a powerful song.

‘The Phone Call’ (TV-14, 2013)

The Oscar-winning short film shows a crisis hotline counselor talking to the disembodied voice of Stanley, who says he’s about to commit suicide. Because Stanley just wants someone to talk to while he dies, Heather—the counselor—finds a way to get him medical help without Stanley providing any address or information.

The film is a somber reminder of the important work those counselors do. DeBrito stresses the importance of suicide resources that promote mental health professionals.

“You’re going to look for sites that actually do put value in professional mental health care, because some sites—even Christian sites—say that mental health care is not biblical,” DeBrito said.

“Prayer is vital,” DeBrito says. “It may be our greatest tool, but it can’t be done at the expense of no other tools or resources.”

DeBrito stresses both and, as a Christian counsellor, knows the importance of coming at mental health issues from a biblical and scientific framework. To Save a Life stresses the need for God in tumultuous times.

When Jake witnesses the suicide of his once-friend Roger, he’s faced with guilt and a resolve to do better, finding mentorship in a local pastor and comfort and resolve in faith.

The film delves into some pretty heavy topics, and that can make for difficult viewing. Still, Plugged In reviewer Paul Asay wrote, “I wanted to show it to my 16-year-old daughter—because it actively applies biblical principles to serious subjects teens struggle with every day.”

Conclusion

Of course this is not an exhaustive list, but it can be a starting point and a guide to the media content that addresses suicide appropriately. Many more movies, TV shows, and songs address the issue of suicide in a healthy and/or spiritual way. However, others seem to deal with the topic in unhealthy ways, and some even seem to glorify suicide.

If you find yourself in a conversation with a friend or loved one about their suicidal thoughts, DeBrito recommends treating it as a serious issue, figuring out how seriously they’ve thought about taking their own life (i.e. Do they have a plan?) and then seeking professional help.

“If someone sits down with you and says, ‘I want to tell you something, but you can’t tell anyone else,’ your response needs to be, ‘I can’t promise that,’” DeBrito said. “‘I want to hear what you have to say, but I care about you. And if you are thinking of anything that’s going to harm you or someone else, I can’t keep that secret because I don’t want anyone to be hurt.’”

For more instruction on how best to talk to your kids, teens or friends about the issues leading up to suicide and about suicide, Focus on the Family’s Alive to Thrive program is a free six-module program by Christian clinical experts to help parents and mentors do just that.

If you are in crisis, please call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.