The other day Richard Madeley and Judy Finnigan were reminiscing about that legendary wardrobe malfunction, the occasion when they were receiving a National Television Award 24 years ago and Judy’s dress fell open to reveal her bra.
These days female TV presenters attend those events in sheer dresses intended to showcase their naked braless breasts, but it’s the accidental exposure, the unexpected fashion mishap that strikes fear into the hearts of women everywhere.
The disasters themselves do change as you get older. I’m no longer in danger of dropping the back of my dungarees in the lavatory — but they still happen and it pays to know how to avoid them. For example…
Judy Finnigan suffered a wardrobe malfunction at the National Television Awards in 2000 – but luckily was wearing a respectable strapless bra underneath
Too much bosom reveal
Not the Finnigan sort — that was a case of a halterneck untying itself underneath a jacket. We’re talking about the low-cut dress that seemed fine when you last tried it on, but now feels positively indecent. It sometimes works to narrow the plunge by gathering it together with a brooch, or the safer bet is to wear a silky camisole underneath.
Some brands like Me+Em have dresses that come with optional matching bandeau tops so you can go low or not, or buy your own bandeau (£12, marksandspencer.com). And with a wrap dress — far more liable to undo themselves than a halterneck — secure the front with a pin, always.
Burlesque dancer Dita von Teese in an elegant halterneck gown
Creasy crotch trousers
Avoid this (you instantly look like you’ve slept in a skip) by checking the fabric. Pure linen will crease so look for linen with viscose; the same goes for pure cottons, they’re better with a bit of something crease-proof in the mix. Next check the fit: the tighter the easier to crease, so allow some give and then take care how you sit: never cross your legs. Smooth your trousers first and straighten the back of your jacket, if you’re wearing one, too).
Wafty splits
The thing about skirt splits is they hardly move when you’re trying them on, so you may persuade yourself they’ll be fine, but then there are cars to get in and out of, chairs to be sat in, and there’s the wind.
Even when you’re wearing black tights you’ll be left legs out, exposed in a breeze – part of the fun if you’re actress Charlotte Gainsbourg, not so much if you’re no longer in the market for a mini. Sewing up splits may ruin the line, so the answer is avoid unless they’re a couple of inches long and finish below the knee; then wear with long boots. (Front thigh splits are always a No-Go.)
Charlotte Gainsbourg pulls off a thigh-split skirt
Eel foot
As in a foot that’s covered in bulging veins which can occur on the 50+ foot when under pressure in a heel. The secret is a less extreme angle (a lower heel or a thicker platform, or both) and more coverage. Yes you can wear strappy sandals but not spindly leather lace across your straining toes. For good -looking heels with woven, wide cross-straps try LK Bennett.
It’s see-through
Even clothes you could swear aren’t see-through may turn out to be if you’re standing in front of bright light, but these rare reveals don’t matter providing you’re wearing your best underwear. Judy’s mishap was prevented from being a genuine disaster by the fact she was wearing a neat and respectable strapless bra.
Dua Lipa, then aged 27, in a sheer, jewelled gown
Uh oh she’s wearing my dress
We’ve all been there and it’s a legitimate worry if there’s a sudden run on a certain label that people like to wear to occasions. The only answer: make it your own. Put a cropped jacket on top or something more casual; Jigsaw has a cashmere blend draped poncho in the sale in iris purple (£55, jigsaw-online.com). Don’t wear the obvious shoes, clash them (very now). If it’s plain, wear a statement necklace (carry one in your bag).
Sweat patch risk
Even stunning actress Cameron Diaz has suffered a sweat patch mishap on the red carpet. Picture in 2012
We’ve all experienced the horror of having to stand with your arms clamped to your sides (or is it just me) because somehow you’ve got sweat patches under your arms. Apart from getting yourself some Agent Orange anti-perspirant, the key to solving this is only wear lighter fabrics in light or dark prints (prints don’t show). Apple green silk is out, as are any plain colours unless they’re dark navy, black or white. Your anti-sweat friend is a loose full sleeve, and a not-too-fitted bodice.
