The Business Case For Etiquette: How Civility Drives Success

When polarization and divisiveness are two hallmarks of our time, it’s no surprise that it feels like the art of etiquette, decorum, and respect seems to be fading.

Whether we want it or not, we’re all immersed in a human experiment where polarization has permeated nearly every corner of society, from sports to politics and business.

In many ways, what we’re seeing is the sportification of our society else, where many find themselves sorted into teams that have a clear goal and an opposition.

Companies, consciously or not, have been roped into it all. From partisan giving by Googlers to X’s figurehead’s recent selection of a favorite, political and ideological skews are seeping into the business world.

A good deal of this division is ultimately driven by us, the consumers.

As people seek a feeling of belonging and validation that comes from standing against a perceived “other,” dividing the world into us and them feels increasingly natural. In the online world, this “othering” also happens to drive clicks and engagement like wildfire as research by Claire Robertson and others has highlighted.

Worse yet, what are growing number of researchers are finding is that negativity is more viral than positivity. With each click coming with a dividend, it’s no surprise both traditional and social media outlets are banking on what divides us instead of what we have in common.

While this tendency might be a direct response to what our dopamine-deprived brains want, we cannot ignore its broader impacts on our society.

In fact, a breakdown in civility isn’t just socially damaging; it’s unequivocally bad for business.

Today’s consumer base is broader and more diverse than ever before, and reaching it with any hopes of generating a return requires a careful act of navigating a complex range of beliefs, values, and voices. This is why leaders who know how to engage with nuance and respect for others will always have a distinct advantage in the marketplace.

Fortunately, all is not lost even for those who are yet to learn these lessons.

In many ways the art of etiquette is becoming far from being obsolete and it may well be on the cusp of a comeback.

The Business Case for Bringing Etiquette Back

Capitalism has been one of the great unifiers of our time.

Decades ago, philosopher Peter Singer made the case that certain belief systems create more room for inclusivity than others.

Capitalism, however, doesn’t require shared beliefs or even mutual understanding to bring people together.

It thrives on a much simpler principle: mutual self-interest. Under capitalism, two parties don’t need to share values, culture, or even like each other to engage in a successful transaction. Profit is a language all its own, and we’ve all found our own way of speaking it.

History is full of examples where trade forged partnerships between groups who disagreed on nearly everything else. Take the Silk Road, for instance, a trade network connecting East and West where cultural, religious, and political divides were bridged through commerce. Despite their differences and outright hostilities, merchants from China, Persia, and the Roman Empire built thriving relationships that facilitated the exchange of silk, spices, and ideas for centuries.

Examined from this angle, etiquette becomes more than just a nice-to-have; it’s an essential tool for building companies that succeed.

Leaders who practice decorum and respect, regardless of personal beliefs, draw directly from this concept as well as from the realization that mutual respect has long been the bridge that keeps people, organizations, and even nations working together, even when they disagree.

The Lost Art of Etiquette and Why It Matters for Leaders Today

Etiquette, once a universally expected skill, but today it is increasingly viewed as outdated if not outright traitorous when extended to those in the out-group.

Pamela Eyring of The Protocol School of Washington notes, “Etiquette used to be a common skill, ingrained in everyday interactions and expected of all individuals. Today, it’s often confined to diplomatic and elite circles, leaving a gap in how we engage with others.”

The Protocol School of Washington and its core curriculum stands out as a fascinating case study in how the once common practice of mutual respect has been slowly whittled away to the point where we train protocol officers to handle what most could intuit themselves through in the past.

Yet, as Pamela points out, “The skills our participants learn are no less universal today than they were generations ago.”

In fact, they are only becoming more important as polarization hacks away at the fabric of our society.

On this point, Pamela adds that “in many ways, protocol isn’t just about formal manners or elite events. It’s about fostering a mindset of respect, regardless of who’s across the table. These are skills that help leaders move beyond personal or cultural biases and connect with the people they serve.”

She goes on to explain the broader impact CEOs by noting that “etiquette may seem a soft skill with little importance, but it’s actually foundational for effective leadership. When we lose sight of that, we lose the ability to listen and engage with openness, to respect without the need to agree.”

This sense of respect is crucial, not least because when leaders model civility and respect, it sends a powerful message to employees and consumers alike: we’re all valued here, regardless of our differences.

Now if that isn’t a message that goes straight to the bottom line.

Emotional Intelligence And Etiquette: A Leader’s Secret Weapon

While etiquette has taken a step back, the ability to connect genuinely with others has become a front-row skill for leaders.

Su Bridgman, author of The CQ Edge, argues that at the heart of impactful communication lies communicational intelligence (CQ).

“When we communicate,” she explains, “we’re not just exchanging words; we’re building trust. The tone, non-verbal cues, and how we choose to listen all play into how effectively our message is received.”

Su underscores the intimate interplay between CQ and etiquette, noting that empathy and emotional awareness are fundamental to navigating challenging conversations.

“In an age where divisiveness is the norm,” she says, “leaders who can show restraint, listen actively, and validate others’ perspectives are far more likely to inspire trust and loyalty.”

As Su and Pamela both suggest, true etiquette is less about formality than it is about respect, sincerity, and patience. Authenticity has an important role to play as well, with CQ, and EQ for that matter, being built upon a sense of lived authorship and credibility that requires a deep commitment to staying real.

To gauge a leader’s ability to combine etiquette and CQ, all you need to do is observe them in high-stakes interactions.

“How a leader responds under pressure—whether they react calmly or emotionally, with patience and understanding or from a position of ego—makes all the difference when the intent is to inspire confidence and build morale,” Su points out.

This skill of self-regulation, an essential component of CQ as well as etiquette alike, allows leaders to handle even the most challenging situations without damaging relationships or creating unnecessary friction.

Bringing Etiquette Back: Three Simple Ways for Leaders to Foster Respect and Decorum

Bringing etiquette back into leadership can seem challenging, but fear not.

Small, intentional actions go a long way if not all the way when it comes to treating others with respect.

Here are three easy-to-implement habits to help leaders foster respect, improve interactions, and set a positive tone for their teams.

Start meetings with gratitude: A great way to open a meeting is by voicing your gratitude for the presence and efforts of others. This small gesture sets a positive tone and shows appreciation, and it sets a respectful tone for carrying on even the hardest conversations.

Practice inclusive language: Address groups using inclusive terms like “team” rather than “guys” and ask if others feel comfortable sharing their perspectives. Regularly recognize team members’ efforts in meetings or emails as well as your formal reports by using language that respects the role every stakeholder played.

Avoid multitasking in conversations: Give each interaction your full attention. Put devices down and focus on the person in front of you—digital or in-person. To show that you heard what others intended to say, try summarizing what was said before you respond to ensure clarity. This not only shows respect but also avoids misunderstandings.