Traveling? Here’s what to say if you want to get the worst treatment — guaranteed!

It’s easy to get treated like a second-class citizen when you travel: Just say the wrong thing.

That’s an undeniable fact that people are rediscovering during the busiest year in the history of modern travel.

Businesses would deny it, of course. Airlines, car rental companies, cruise lines and hotel chains would claim that they have a well-trained staff that provides top-notch customer service, always. 

But who are they kidding? Their well-trained employees are only human, and when you disrespect them, they’ll find a way to get back at you. You’ll end up in a middle seat, in a Matchbox car, in a broom closet, or checking into a berth near the engine room. 

Take that!

It’s getting worse, according to research by Christine Porath, a visiting professor at the University of North Carolina and co-author of “The Cost of Bad Behavior.” 

“Incivility on the front lines of business is on the rise,” she noted.

How employees punish you with the worst treatment 

How does it happen? Well, I could cite one of the tens of thousands of cases I handle as a consumer advocate every year. But I’m embarrassed to say it happened to me recently.

Here’s what happened: I was on assignment in Zürich, Switzerland, and I lost my credit card. My bank promised to overnight a new card to my address but then sent it to the wrong address — my U.S. residence instead of my Swiss address.

Then things took a turn for the worse. My bank needed to send me a text message to verify my identity, but the message never arrived. It then tried to enable tap-to-pay on my phone, but that didn’t work. Finally, I ended up speaking with someone who sounded like he was in a call center halfway around the world.

“You have to help me,” I told him.

“Let me transfer you to someone who can assist,” he promised. 

Then he hung up.

I called back and waited in a long queue, and by now I was even more frustrated. Finally, I got through to someone in a call center who promised to transfer me. Another hangup.

I’m sure it was something I said. You never tell someone on the front lines how to do their job, even when you’re irritated — or maybe I should say, especially when you’re irritated. And by the way, I’m still waiting for my credit card as I write this, and maybe I deserve the wait. 

But there are other things you can say that will also get you into trouble.

“Why can’t you just do your job”

“That’s disrespectful and demoralizing,” says Mark Damsgaard, founder of Global Residence Index, a visa and migration agency. Instead, he recommends showing empathy and respect — and rephrasing the query to, “How can we fix this?”

“Do you know who I am?”

“That’s always a winner,” says Bob Bacheler, a frequent traveler and managing director of a medical transportation service. (He’s being sarcastic.) Travelers who have to tell you how important they are — whether they’re an elite-level frequent flier, an influencer or a thought leader — are just annoying. Employees will find a way to make their lives miserable.

“I’ll sue”

This threat is usually accompanied by yelling and swearing. Barry Maher saw that happen on a recent flight to Chicago. A business class passenger was loudly berating the ticket agent, saying everyone who worked there couldn’t “do any *!*% thing right.” “He had important business in Chicago and if he didn’t make it there on time he was going to sue the airline and everyone responsible, including the airline agent,” says Maher, a professional speaker. It did not make the agent move any faster, and the loudmouth was eventually rebooked on another flight — in economy class.

“It’s my anniversary”

Loudly declaring that it’s your special day can have the opposite effect. This is a well-known trick to get special treatment, says Kate Lacroix, a hotel marketer. “You should assume everyone in the room is on a vacation because they are celebrating a special occasion.” I’ll never forget visiting Disney World with a childhood friend and his family. As they pulled up to the parking attendant, she asked if they could park closer to the front of the lot. “We have kids,” she said. The attendant could hardly contain his amusement. Everyone there had kids. 

“I know the CEO”

“It’s the wrong thing to say,” says Bill Luftig, a former customer relations director for an NFL stadium. “That will almost always guarantee a less-than-enthusiastic response to whatever the problem may be.  Also, stating that they want the name of your immediate boss so he can fire you. Again, not effective — and my boss would most likely back me up anyway.”  What’s the best way of getting what you want? Let the facts of your case speak for themselves. 

“But I’m American”

Your nationality is no one’s business, but with anti-American sentiment running high in some parts of the world, volunteering that information may translate into bad service. “Never flat-out say you are American,” advises Brandon Scivolette, a frequent international traveler who runs a moving company. “There’s nothing wrong with being an American, and most people accept us — but never say it as a qualifying statement.” Also, don’t assume everyone speaks English. Because they don’t.

Here’s how to get better service

You’re probably wondering what you should say to get better service. If you can’t curse, yell, threaten, or wave your platinum card around, then what can you do?

• Be calm. Whether something has gone wrong or you just have a special request, emotion is the enemy. A level-headed, rational approach is always more effective. Employees are trained to handle angry and hysterical customers: They call security. 

• Be factual. Describe what you want without embellishing. Let the facts speak for themselves. Don’t tell the employee that you’re important or that if you don’t get your way you’re going to sue. Every customer is important, and when things go wrong, you always have the option of going to court — so both these things are already implied.

• Be friendly. Employees are people, and they’re far more likely to go out of their way for you if you’re nice to them. 

The unfortunate truth is: At a time of record travel, expectations are at a record high. Getting preferential treatment is hard, but getting the worst treatment is as easy as saying a few careless words.