Travis Lazarczyk: In youth sports, it’s the adults who need to grow up

Ogden Morse, president of the Falmouth Youth Soccer Association, has seen his share of unruly parents at events over the years. Shawn Patrick Ouellette

A lot of people who attended the Falmouth Fall Classic youth soccer tournament last weekend owe the teenage volunteers an apology. At least one person owes a 14-year-old girl more than a simple apology. Feel free to wait for those apologies, explanations or shoulder shrugs. In these sorts of instances, apologies are a long time coming. Pack a lunch.

The Falmouth Fall Classic youth soccer tournament drew about 200 teams, said Ogden Morse, president of the Falmouth Youth Soccer Association. Games were held at Falmouth High and Falmouth Community Park. As expected when 200 teams participate in anything, parking was tight, especially at Community Park. Teenage volunteers did their best to keep traffic moving and squeeze cars into spaces. Still, tensions ran high and nerves frayed, and the teens were subjected to repeated verbal abuse, Morse said.

One driver decided swearing at a teenager trying to help wasn’t enough. Another driver, Morse added, seemed to intentionally strike a 14-year-old with his car. Morse said he spoke with the victim’s mother, and the 14-year-old is OK, albeit shaken up. It could have been so much worse.

Morse sent an email to every coach of every team in the tournament Saturday, imploring them to tell their parents enough is enough.

“We have 14-year-old volunteers to direct traffic, and folks dropping F-bombs on them left and right, what I consider reprehensible behavior,” Morse said. “Far too many adults are losing sight of why we’re here.”

This is as good a time as any to ask youth sports parents everywhere two important questions.

One, what the hell is wrong with you?

Two, seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?

You don’t want to paint with broad strokes, but man, the worst is everywhere and insecticide-resistant. Go to any youth sporting event, regardless of the sport, and you’re virtually guaranteed to see a parent complaining about the officials. Or their kid’s playing time. Or the coaches. The first time a kid kicked a soccer ball or shot a basketball, there was a parent there to complain about something.

“I’ve been around youth sports a long time. I’m used to the worst of it, referee abuse, things like that,” Morse said. “I don’t know how many times I’ve been at a game, standing in the rain, and telling a parent, ‘Nope. We’re not going to do this.’”

Obnoxious behavior by youth sports parents is nothing new, and unfortunately, news of somebody hitting a teenager with their car will do nothing to tone it down. It’s baked into the youth sports DNA at this point. There are people trying to change it, but culture shifts happen glacially.

A former collegiate soccer player and coach, John O’Sullivan, started the Changing the Game Project in 2012 in order to help parents and athletes refocus on what youth sports are supposed to be about.

“To do something that puts lives at risk, that could put you in jail, over a parking spot at a youth soccer game, is just insane,” O’Sullivan said. “It feels like more parents are treating sports not as a game, but an emergency.”

You know what your children are going to remember years from now from these tournaments? It’s running around the hotel or team meals or jumping in the pool with their friends, O’Sullivan said. It’s not the games, unless you were being a loudmouth. They’ll remember that.

Know your role, O’Sullivan said. You can be a parent, coach, fan or official. When you start mixing and matching roles, it’s a problem.

Taking your frustrations out on a 14-year-old girl by hitting her with your car takes sports parenting beyond obnoxious whining. Tournament organizers met with Falmouth Police, but as of Friday afternoon, there’s nothing they can do. Everyone has a camera in their pocket, but nobody got a video or a photo of the incident. At least as of Friday, nobody has come forward with one. Not even a grainy photo of the offender’s license plate.

“We would love to do something,” said Falmouth Deputy Chief of Police Jeff Pardue. “No report was ever made… We learned about it through word of mouth.”

Pardue said tournament organizers did reach out to police, asking for a presence at the tournament, but the request came too late for the department to assign an officer. Next year, everyone agreed, the police will be there.

Do we really need a police presence to get people to behave with a minimum of decency? Go to a high school game on a Friday night, where there is usually an officer on hand, and watch the fans taunt refs and players. Pardue said normally fan behavior doesn’t rise to the level where one of the officers needs to step in, but it does happen.

It shouldn’t.

Youth sports is and always will be a fantastic tool for teaching children about life. You always try hard, and things still won’t go your way every time. You get up and try again. Adversity is a part of growing up, and it’s a good thing.

There’s one thing every sports parent can do that will make the experience better for them and their child, O’Sullivan said. It’s not barking at the coach or pulling the kid off the field because you think the ref stinks.

“Tell them you love watching them play. That’s the most powerful thing you can say,” O’Sullivan said.

The incident at Falmouth Community Field last weekend could’ve been a tragedy. If that’s the best thing we can say about it, it’s already a tragedy.

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