You Shouldn’t Break Up Because Of Travel Incompatability — Here’s Why

“Couples may not travel well together for several reasons, including differing travel preferences, stress management styles and individual needs for space and downtime,” said Mabel Yiu, a marriage and family therapist who is the founding director of Women’s Therapy Institute. “For example, one partner might prefer a structured itinerary with sightseeing and activities, while the other enjoys spontaneous, relaxed travel.”

Sometimes one person leans toward active, adventure-filled vacations, but their partner is focused on rest and relaxation. Other times there are disagreements on the particular types of museums to visit. Travel priorities and expectations can be all over the map.

“One person might value frugality while their partner might put more emphasis on comfort or service,” said dating coach Damona Hoffman, author of F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story. “One person might like to do everything together while the other requires solo time. Factor in sleep schedules and time zone adjustments, and you could have a recipe for disaster ― or you could have the perfect opportunity for a couple to work on communication, expectation setting and compromise.”

Going on a trip together can highlight people’s differing stress responses as well. 

“Travel can also be stressful for some people, with delays and lost baggage to contend with,” said psychologist and sex and relationship expert Melissa Cook. “This can exacerbate existing communication problems and even highlight differences in how two people deal with and address any potential problems.”

She added that spending so much uninterrupted time together, often in close quarters without much personal space, can also put a strain on a relationship.

“Travel brings out a different side of people,” noted Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in couples and family therapy. “Away from the structure of routine, some may get excited and feel adventurous while others may feel anxious or insecure. Structure helps us know what to expect, and we respond accordingly.”

Although the concerns and constraints of everyday life can melt away during a trip, some travelers find that they’re replaced with other concerns, making it difficult to live in the moment. 

“Not traveling well together may have to do with your partner’s family of origin, their value system and how it relates to travel style,” Ross added. “What style of vacation was valued by the family ― are there fond, nostalgic memories connected to travel, or did family vacations bring out difficult or dysfunctional family dynamics? It’s important to understand what may be underneath a partner who doesn’t ‘travel well.’”

Travel incompatibility doesn’t mean you have to break up.