Your Queer Weekly Horoscope: April 22-28

Welcome to your Queer Weekly Horoscope, a bite-sized look at the coming days broken down by your zodiac sign.

Mercury retrograde is ending. Our collective communication nightmare is finally coming to a close! But the first planet won’t turn direct until Thursday, which means there’s still plenty of time left to destroy a few relationships if you’re determined. So tread carefully. If we all tiptoe through the next few days, we might make it to the other side unscathed. To that end, consider this weekly horoscope a guide to safe harbor. The other major event? A Full Moon gives everybody the chance to turn into a Scorpio (except for people who are already Scorpios; they’ll just get angry.)

Taurus is up first for this weekly horoscope, then we’ll scroll through each sign until everyone’s fate is unfurled. If you know more of your placements than your Sun Sign alone (Moon, Rising, Mars, Venus, etc.), check their entries as well to get a full picture of your astrological forecast.

What the stars are up to:

• The Sun, Jupiter, and Uranus are in your sign.
• Your ruler Venus is in Aries.

What it means:

How are you doing this?! Like, I understand how planets move through space, scientifically. The spherical objects that comprise our solar system all rotate and revolve in a certain fashion. Astrologically, these celestial interactions are supposed to influence the experience of us puny humans crawling about on the surface of Earth. But hilariously, this week’s schedule of two Big Events — that’s it, only two, that’s enough — seems as if it was purposefully arranged by an all-seeing Taurus in the sky. We will deal with two things, just two, y’all decided, and no further! I can’t help but feel as if the collective vibe of all Taureans is somehow responsible for this development, and I respect and appreciate your boundary-enforcing energy.

So, that’s what’s happening this week! Two things: Full Moon in Scorpio (oof) and then Mercury turns direct (ahh). Please exert your formidable psychic willpower to manifest chill for everyone else.

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler Mercury is retrograde in Aries.
• On Thursday morning, Mercury turns direct!

What it means:

The God that Hannah Einbinder now believes in bestows a blessing upon you! Before the week is out, your sign ruler Mercury returns to direct orbit and other people will return to reacting to you with only the occasional dog-like head tilt of confusion. (This past week, they’ve probably been looking at you like you’re speaking a garbled alien language.) Keep on keeping on; your own season and the arrival of lucky Jupiter in your sign are on the horizon.

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler the Moon travels through Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, and Capricorn.
• The Full Moon in Scorpio opposes the Sun.

What it means:

You are the arrestingly mysterious superstar of this week. Your sign ruler the Moon strikes its Full pose in Scorpio, and no other sign — not even Scorp themselves! — can manage to be badder than you. It’s not like it’s gonna feel great, per se. You’ll probably be in a terrible mood, but wow! Externally, you’ll look fantastic. Make sure you take a series of selfies; they’ll be fun to look at later once the cloud of nihilism has passed.

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler the Sun is in Taurus.
• The Full Moon in Scorpio opposes the Sun.

What it means:

You have two options during the Full Moon in Scorpio: be a melodramatic stunt queen, or curl up into an antisocial cocoon. Either option is perfectly valid! Regardless, you will probably regret whichever you choose and subsequently wish you’d picked the other path. Bygones, alas! Your could-have, should-have ruminations will most likely disappear once Mercury returns to direct orbit. Misunderstandings will smooth over and you’ll find more pressing matters to worry about.

What the stars are up to:

• Lilith is in your sign.
• Your sign ruler Mercury is retrograde in Aries.
• On Thursday morning, Mercury turns direct!

What it means:

Mercury finally returns to direct perspective orbit and communication systems are set aright! Or, at least, closer to right. Most people never quite manage to get on your level, but after Thursday you won’t be operating at Code Red, full-on disaster mode anymore. You’re still harboring shadow ruler Lilith and a compulsive urge to do evil upon anyone who inconveniences you, so, you know. Be careful or whatever.

What the stars are up to:

• The South Node is in your sign.
• Your ruler Venus is in Aries.
• The Moon in your sign opposes Mercury and Venus.

What it means:

I live in Arizona, where daily temperatures are now reaching 90°F. This has caused the overlords of my apartment complex to turn off the heat in the pool — prematurely in my opinion, as the water now feels chilly at nightfall when I am most apt to take a dip. So here I sit at sunset, lounging poolside writing this horoscope in a fabulous robe just as any respectable astrologer should, when I find myself distracted by the struggles of a bug in the water. I call upon all the apathy available in my own natal chart in attempt to ignore the drowning insect and continue with the dispensation of fate, but I have just reached consideration of your sign and my Libra Venus placement is winning out. I wade out to the middle of the pool, extend a hand to deliver the tiny creature unto safety, then sit down dripping to resume writing… only to notice that the damn bug stung my finger! What kind of reward is that for interspecies altruism? Or perhaps the little winged thing just clung to me so fiercely that a small claw managed to slash through my skin. I’m glad it remains alive, nonetheless. My takeaway is that Libra energy is enormously empathetic. I don’t know how y’all with Libra Suns make it through each long day of assuaging other people’s troubles.