Your Queer Weekly Horoscope: April 29-May 5

Welcome to your Queer Weekly Horoscope, a bite-sized look at the coming days broken down by your zodiac sign.

This week, most of the zodiac is drawn to indulge in a luxurious stretch of laziness. Clear your calendars, everyone; we’re not doing anything.

In the sky this week, sensual Venus moves on from Aries to snuggle up in Taurus. Venus is comfy resting at home with its favorite earth sign, and rejects an offer of excitement from life-altering Pluto. Mars chooses differently: After a quick pit stop to consult with Neptune, the ruler of intuition, Mars moves from Pisces to action-packed Aries. There, the red planet teams up with Pluto… just after the dwarf planet of destruction and renewal has gone retrograde. Now we all feel motivated to avoid making changes! (The Last Quarter Moon sets Aquarius at odds with everybody else, but fortunately Aquarians are accustomed to being the odd ones out.)

Taurus starts the trend of canceling plans, then each sign follows suit until the whole party stays home to take a nap. Check out our weekly horoscope below to find out exactly how much nothing you’re slated for. And if you know more of your placements than your Sun Sign alone (Moon, Rising, Mars, Venus, etc.), check their entries as well to get a full picture of your astrological forecast.

What the stars are up to:

• The Sun, Jupiter, and Uranus are in your sign.
• Your ruler Venus begins the week in Aries, then moves to your sign.
• Venus squares off against Pluto.

What it means:

Look out, everybody, Taurus is out here wanting again! Your ruler Venus slides into your sign, and BAM! Your usual level of craving is doubled. What you mostly want this week is to suspend existence in a perfect instant of contentment and never, ever be troubled by the torture of change again. Why can’t you fix everything just so, exactly how you want it to stay, then simply keep it that way forever? In a continuing trend for this season, your wish will actually be granted! (At least, for a little while.) Over in Aquarius, Pluto turns retrograde and chills out on its hobby of sparking huge life upheavals, leaving you free to indulge your current lusts at leisure.

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler Mercury is in Aries.

What it means:

Gemini, it’s time to confront your fate: you are consigned to a regular old week of your usual self-propelled chaos. That’s it! You might feel brief surges of wit when the Moon travels through Sagittarius and Aquarius, alternating with a similarly short moment of confusion while the Moon moves through Capricorn. But by and large, you are left to determine your own course. Please try not to wreak too much havoc on the rest of us!

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler the Moon travels through Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, and Aries.
• The Last Quarter Moon squares off against the Sun in Aquarius.

What it means:

You’re up and down this week. After a challenging beginning in Sagittarius, a happy period of productivity structures the Moon’s passage through Capricorn. But then, the Last Quarter Moon in Aquarius sets you at odds with overarching trends in the zodiac for a span of three days. Try to keep your balance, and if you end up taking a fall, just hold on to your surfboard! A huge swell of clarity propels you effortlessly during the Moon’s visit to your fellow water sign, Pisces. Finally, you end the week with a surge of energy as your celestial patron draws strength from Aries.

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler the Sun is in Taurus.

What it means:

As usual, you have your finger on the pulse of the season. You understand what the sign of the moment is feeling, because your ruler the Sun is always in the thick of the action, dictating the larger zodiac experience. For now, that means you’re content to kick back and wish for the things you want. “Manifest” is too active a term to describe what you’re up to this week; you’re rocking more of a languid vibe. Lounge like the Venus of Urbino and wait for luxurious gifts to come your way.

What the stars are up to:

• Lilith is in your sign.
• Your sign ruler Mercury is in Aries.

What it means:

You feel highly motivated to behave badly! And you know what? Good for you! It’s important to have reasons to wake and make up the bed in the morning. The urge might not strike you dramatically — there’s nothing undeniably astrologically compelling happening in your patch this week — but now that your ruler Mercury has returned to direct orbit in Aries, you may feel energized to act shady with Lilith. Occasionally, it’s okay to indulge in a mild moment of recklessness to blow off some steam. If you stay screwed up too tight all the time, you run a real risk of involuntary explosion. Schedule some minor misbehavior before you run off the rails into true trouble!

What the stars are up to:

• The South Node is in your sign.
• Your ruler Venus begins the week in Aries, then moves to Taurus.
• Venus squares off against Pluto.

What it means:

Wow, you’re really digging in this week. You’ve already been trapped in a rut with the South Node persistently chaining you to your past, and now your ruler Venus slinks into Taurus and settles in for a nap. You ain’t gettin’ anything done at the moment! It’ll feel less frustrating if you just let go and accept the overwhelming urge to be indolent.

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler Pluto is in Aquarius.
• Venus squares off against Pluto.
• Pluto turns retrograde.
• Mars forms a sextile with Pluto.

What it means:

Whee, here we (don’t) go! In a sweeping trend for the week, momentum slows way down across the zodiac, and we Scorps like where we’re sitting right now. It’s nice here! We enjoy this position so much, in fact, that we’re going to stubbornly grab hold with our claws and cling tight in case external forces try to move us even half a millimeter from this exact spot! (They’re not. Nothing is. Not a damn thing in the universe is attempting to disturb us in the slightest.)

So here we sit! We should feel at peace, but you know how we are. We’re so worried about trying to hold onto calm that we end up stressing ourselves out for no reason whatsoever. We’d honestly be happier with a little trial and tribulation thrown into the mix, but sometimes ya just gotta suffer through a stretch of untroubled tranquility.

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler Jupiter is in Taurus.
• The Moon in your sign squares off against Mars and Neptune, and creates a trine with Venus.

What it means:

May Hannah Einbinder’s gay God bless the delightful, December-born Billie Eilish, this is the most Sagittarian headline I have thus far witnessed in my life: “Billie Eilish on Her Sexuality: ‘I Realized I Wanted My Face in a Vagina.’” What a glorious sequence of words! If I were the reporter who procured that sentence from a beloved pop star, I would simply retire; nothing’s going to top that.

Billie Eilish’s on-the-record statements about everything from vaginas to mortality are the exact same type of declarations that regular Sags post on the daily, but unlike a celebrity, y’all have the ability to delete and deny within a 5-month span of time. Cherish your power and embrace your audacity! More than any other mortal in the zodiac, you are like unto a trickster deity.

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler Saturn is in Pisces.
• The Moon in your sign creates trines with the Sun, Uranus, and Jupiter; forms sextiles with Saturn, Neptune, and Mars; and squares off against Mercury.

What it means:

What the hell? You aren’t even nice to the Moon— it’s always a bit disempowered in your sign — but here the Moon is just fawning over you this week. Self-understanding, creativity, and abundance! Organization, intuition, and energy! The only influence that doesn’t function in your favor is communication, and that only happens briefly on Tuesday. The Moon’s fight with Mercury probably just means you’ll talk yourself into a spiral of temporary worry inside of your own head, which is hardly unusual for you. You’re thriving at present, even if you feel typically fatalistic about your status.

What the stars are up to:

• Pluto is in your sign.
• Your ruler Uranus is in Taurus.
• The Last Quarter Moon in your sign squares off against Venus, the Sun, Uranus, and Jupiter; passes through conjunction with Pluto; and forms a sextile with Mercury.
• Venus squares off against Pluto.
• On Thursday, Pluto turns retrograde.
• Mars forms a sextile with Pluto.

What it means:

Almost everybody else is relaxing this week… and then there’s you, up to some weird-ass, trend-bucking shenanigans. The Last Quarter Moon in your sign declares Opposite Day on every major celestial influence governing the entire season. I didn’t bother to warn the other signs that the Moon is going to mess up their mood at the turn of the month, probably in the form of your annoying self strutting in to harsh their mellow buzz with some shiny new piece of unpleasant knowledge you just acquired.