Your Queer Weekly Horoscope: September 16-22

You simply won’t want to do good things for yourself. Little treats? Sure. Wise life choices? HELL NO. See you on the other side, once you’ve officially been instated as the star of the new season!

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler Pluto is retrograde in Capricorn.
• Venus begins the week in Libra, where it squares off against Pluto. Then, Venus leaves Libra and moves to your sign.
• The Sun creates a trine with Pluto.

What it means:

You’re pretty much chilling until the last day of the week, when Libra Season starts. Shortly before the Sun leaves Virgo, it takes a moment to beam beatifically upon your antisocial iceball sign ruler, Pluto, bestowing you with some bright self-realization. That afternoon, fickle diva Venus throws a fit on Pluto, which is simply trying to mind its own business. Then later on the same night, Venus decides it likes your vibe and sashays over from Libra into your sign. Venus in Scorpio creates a mysterious atmosphere, where everyone in the zodiac suddenly finds the look of leather and latex appealing for Libra season.

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler Jupiter is in Gemini.
• Mercury squares off against Jupiter.

What it means:

Mercury, the supreme arbiter of puns, decides it’s mad at your sign ruler during the early hours of Saturday. Don’t stress too hard if nobody appreciates your jokes. The fault is in your stars!* (*Planets. Whatever.)

What the stars are up to:

• Pluto is retrograde in your sign.
• Your sign ruler Saturn is retrograde in Pisces.
• Mercury opposes Saturn.
• The Sun creates a trine with Pluto.
• Venus squares off against Pluto.

What it means:

The powers of yapping (platonically) and flirting (perhaps non-platonically?) are not with you this week. Speak carefully! The regular talking bit affects your professional sphere. Choose your words judiciously and avoid piping up unless you have to — colleagues are likely to just miss your points entirely. Flirting might be safe if it stays very casual. Anything more serious is liable to result in an unfortunate case of the ick.

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler Uranus is retrograde in Taurus.
• The waxing gibbous Moon in your sign squares off against Uranus.
• The Sun creates a trine with Uranus.

What it means:

I just finished reading the memoir of Julia Fox, an Aquarius born February 2, and it was 🎶 “so Julia!” 🎶. Are all Aquarians’ inner monologues delivered in a frantic tone of present tense at all times, even during the act of memory? It is thrilling, to be sure, but now I am vicariously exhausted. I wish Fox great happiness and hope she enjoys a pleasant week, but I fear that a brief midnight spat between the Moon and Uranus might inspire her — and possibly you — to react with a disproportionately outlandish outburst of chaos. But you’ll bounce back after a few days, when the Sun takes up for your patron planet!

What the stars are up to:

• Saturn and your ruler Neptune are both retrograde in your sign.
• The Full Supermoon in your sign creates a trine with Mars, opposes Mercury and the Sun, passes through conjunction with Saturn and Neptune, squares off against Jupiter, and forms sextiles with Uranus and Pluto. The Earth shades the Full Moon in a partial lunar eclipse.
• Mercury opposes Saturn.
• The Sun opposes Neptune.

What it means:

Eclipses usually signify endings and new beginnings. But this season’s lunar eclipse is just a cute lil’ partial eclipse, in which the Earth gets in the way and casts a shadow on only a small patch of the Moon. Therefore, this eclipse’s ending will probably be just a little less final than usual. Maybe you want to tie a bow on some situation in your life and be done with it, but there’s still something keeping you attached. Like, you’re moving out and moving on, metaphorically… but you still leave a toothbrush behind just in case you catch yourself visiting again.