Your Queer Weekly Horoscope: September 2-8

I’m trying to play my Baldur’s Gate 3 barbarian Tav as a Sagittarius, but completionist tendencies occasionally interfere with my intention. In the Rosymorn Monastery, for instance, I carefully placed all of the ceremonial weapons on their proper pedestals to gain the Dawnmaster’s Crest instead of just having Astarion lockpick the gate blocking access to the protective relic. Or I could have simply broken into the secret chamber to snatch the Blood of Lathander and fled while the mountainside exploded, only to laugh at Astarion’s indignance over my lack of caution for the potential end of his long un-life after having Withers resurrect him later. (Having Astarion around at all sort of borks my Sag barbarian steeze in the first place, as my character would have definitely stabbed him at camp early on had I not omnisciently commanded her to refrain in order to keep a rogue around for theieving.) Not the purest roleplaying on my part! Regardless, Rage: Wild Magic is definitely a Sagittarian bonus action.

What the stars are up to:

• Pluto is retrograde in your sign.
• Your sign ruler Saturn is retrograde in Pisces.
• The Sun opposes Saturn.

What it means:

This week low-key sucks for you. Pluto has returned to your sign to cast a chill pall of fatalism over everything. Your own sign ruler Saturn is flaking off, floating backwards along the lazy river of Pisces with its eyes closed and ignoring your pleas to get its shit together and help you voraciously pursue your ambitions as usual. Then, on the last day of the week, the Sun is like, “Ew, how sad, look at Saturn drifting around aimlessly not doing anything!” and sends you into a crisis of self-perception. Ironically enough, your newly returned Plutonic gloom will probably help you navigate this self-questioning mood more gracefully than you otherwise might. Slap on a deadpan facial expression and cope.

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler Uranus is retrograde in Taurus.
• Mercury squares off against Uranus.

What it means:

Your week also low-key kind of sucks. Your sign ruler Uranus wonders, “Why do any of us do anything, really? What is the purpose?” for several days. Then, rabble-rousing Mercury decides to contribute to the scenario by screaming, “Hey Uranus, everybody thinks you’re a weird loser!” across the zodiac from its place in Leo just to start some shit and, I don’t know, make everybody feel alive or something. Seems irritating to me, but I suppose nothing focuses your attention quite like an acute annoyance you can’t immediately quash.

What the stars are up to:

• Saturn and your ruler Neptune are both retrograde in your sign.
• Mars squares off against Neptune.
• The Sun opposes Saturn.

What it means:

And your week also low-key kind of sucks! Along with Capricorn and Aquarius, you’re really on a roll! You’re sapped of energy when Mars takes umbrage at your ruler Neptune in your sign. Then the Sun pipes up to glare disdainfully in your direction and declare, “Wow, has anyone noticed that Saturn is looking kind of sad and raggedy lately?” and your self-worth (understandably!) takes a shallow dive. Oh well! The highs of life wouldn’t feel as glorious if there weren’t some lows in between. In the meantime, wallow in your temporary sense of discontent.

What the stars are up to:

• Chiron and the North Node are retrograde in your sign. (The North Node is always generally retrograde, that’s normal.)
• Mercury creates a trine with Chiron.
• Your sign ruler Mars begins the week in Gemini, where it squares off against Neptune. Then, Mars leaves Gemini and moves to Cancer.
• Venus opposes the North Node.
• The North Node opposes Lilith.

What it means:

You start the week on a healing note with an important conversation. Then, life gets, um, a little more interesting. Your sign ruler Mars aims two middle fingers and a stuck-out tongue at the representative of intuition, then takes a deep dive over the border from airy Gemini into the immense emotional ocean of Cancer. Venus, the arbiter of desire, suddenly despises the aspirational future promised by the North Node in your sign, while the North Node stands in noble defiance of Venus’s new best buddy — shadow ruler Lilith. If anybody has a hope of slowing Virgo, Libra, and Taurus’s reign of destruction this week, it’s you. Not that you’ll succeed in the attempt, in spite of your best efforts, but you might be able to soften the oncoming damage slightly.

What the stars are up to:

• Uranus is retrograde in your sign.
• Your sign ruler Venus is in Libra.
• Venus passes through conjunction with Lilith, then opposes the North Node.
• Mercury squares off against Uranus.

What it means:

Dark desires arise in your heart, keeping you focused on familiar bad habits from your past. Might as well dress for the moment — wear something alluring on Wednesday to honor your them fatale mood. Later in the week, after whatever you did is done, you don’t want to talk about it. Mercury is not interested in being interrogated by insightful Uranus. Even if it might benefit you to discuss your motives, you’re more likely to smile mysteriously and stonewall any inquiry into your externally baffling behavior.

What the stars are up to:

• Jupiter is in your sign.
• Mars begins the week in your sign, where it squares off against Neptune. Then, Mars leaves your sign and moves to Cancer.
• Your sign ruler Mercury is in Leo.
• Mercury creates a trine with Chiron and squares off against Uranus.

What it means:

Your week opens with a mission to achieve healing. It won’t be easy, however! Your motivations clash with your sense of idealism, and you run low on energy when Mars departs your sign for Cancer. Then, you struggle to make headway in conversation. No matter how much you talk at and around the issue, the spark of true discovery eludes you. Keep trying anyway. You’re a pretty determined personality, and unlikely to grow tired of yapping about problems that resist investigation.

What the stars are up to:

• Your sign ruler the Moon travels through Virgo, Libra, and Scorpio.
• The New Moon in Virgo passes through conjunction with the Sun.
• Mars leaves Gemini and moves to your sign.

What it means:

Huge, gnarly life beginnings are incoming with this season’s New Moon! Prepare to feel almost betrayed by your current, relatively innocent understanding of the world — that’s how much your perspective might shift over the course of the Moon’s passage through Virgo. Then, fiery Mars launches over the fence from Gemini into your sign and passively sets your spirit to boiling. Your softer emotions are temporarily distant while the Moon travels to its furthest point of orbit away from the Earth.