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YOUR TURN: Gambling is for the mathematically impaired

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2 months ago

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YOUR TURN: Gambling is for the mathematically impaired

I recently made a business trip to Las Vegas. The city was named by explorer Rafael Rivera in 1829. The name means, “the meadows,” so named because of the unexpected green vegetation he found on this spot in the desert. The name Rafael Rivera caught my attention. I found out he was drafted in 1995 by the Seattle Mariners. Odds are this is not the same person. 

Here are other facts about Las Vegas: 

Smoking is permitted and, frankly, encouraged everywhere, except on elevators. This surprised me as I slogged through a thick cloud of smoke on my way to my room where I took a long shower and washed my hair seven times. Then I remembered the elevator. I took my laptop to the lobby, caught the elevator, and settled in a corner to work. 

Virtually any form of gambling is legal in Las Vegas. As an economics major, I learned that gambling is for the mathematically impaired. Impairment is rampant in this city of smokers. On a bathroom break from the elevator I stopped to watch a woman gamble. She was at a slot machine, which neither has a slot nor is it a machine. It is a touch-screen computer designed to lure people to give their money to the proprietor of the establishment in exchange for bad music, flashing lights, occasional odd beeping sounds, and the prospect of getting about 20% of their expenditures back over an extended period. Thus, the need for a smoke. 

People drink a lot of alcoholic beverages in Las Vegas. A lot. I escaped the hotel and walked along the Strip on a pleasant morning. Along the way I stopped for a snack at an outdoor cafe. I ordered a coffee and a cinnamon roll. Yummy. A young man and woman sat down beside me. They each ordered beer and whiskey. I asked them if it was legal to drink beer and whiskey at nine o’clock in the morning. The woman laughed. The man said, “Hey, man, are you from Kansas or something? This is Vegas, man. I ain’t sure about that coffee and donut, but beer and whiskey are cool in Vegas anytime.” 

“It’s a cinnamon roll,” I said. 

The woman said, “Whatever,” and lit a cigarette. 

I returned to the elevator. 

A significant number of those who visit Las Vegas are prone to have tattoos. A lot of tattoos. As I rode up and down on the elevator I noticed and began to count the people who had visible tattoos. I found there was a 73% chance that more than half the travelers on each elevator trip had tattoos. There was no difference in the percentages of women and men with tattoos. However, men were 43% more likely to have full tattoo sleeves than women. A sleeve is a tattoo that completely covers every inch of a person’s arm. 

As I sat working in the corner, the beer and whiskey couple got on the elevator. The man said, “Hey Kansas, what you up to?” I told him I was doing a study of tattoos. The woman laughed and said, “I like this one.” She pulled down a piece of clothing to reveal a tattoo and a couple of attractive human body parts. I swallowed hard and stuttered, “Yes, ma’am, that’s a nice one.” 

All-in-all, my trip was successful. If you go, I suggest touring Lake Mead and the Hoover Dam. Go to the Sphere if they have a show. It is amazing. Take Mentholatum ointment to spread beneath your nose when you get off the elevator. Avoid the casinos. Remember, gambling is for the mathematically impaired.

Michael McMahan is a resident of Gaston County.

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